The Loose Tooth

Well this might not truly be "blog worthy" to some but to us it is!!! Last night sweet Hannah Paige lost her first tooth. It had been loose for about two weeks or so now and she was faithfully wiggling it! Well last night it came out. It was quite the family event; Daddy pulled the tooth, Ethan held the plastic bag for the tooth, mom videoed, Noah slept :), and Hannah was a brave girl! She had the best most excited expressions it was so fun!! The video is priceless and so is her now not so "toothy" smile!! When the excitement was over and she drifted off to sleep...Sammy and I having been contracted by the tooth fairy :) tiptoed in and made the trade. As we looked at the small little tooth in the bag...I was reminded of when she first got teeth. She has always been very calm and layed back and about the only sign of teething she ever showed was drool...and lots of it...she would wake up and have a new tooth. I remember that same bright smile and those same excited expressions of every new milestone. Time has allowed me many sweet snap shots of this little miracle girl growing up....and I reminded tonight that all things "kiddo" should be treasured and rejoiced over. So tonight is bittersweet...for I know that there will be many more loose teeth, then it will be first dances, first time at camp, first dates, first heartaches, graduations, college, jobs, marriage, motherhood...okay now I am very sad! Now really its a small tooth, I know, but a big deal all the same and the "first" of many "firsts" to come!!

Summer Sleepovers

Last night my Hannah Paige had yet another sleep over with her cousins...Alli Ann and Bella Boo!! These girls are all very close in age and are always together....which I LOVE!! Yesterday and last night reminded me that they are all getting too big. I overheard a lot of " oh my gosh", "are you for real", and "no way". I also heard a rather lengthy discussion about how Selena Beiber "just doesn't sound right". It was too funny!!! They swam, dressed up, did make up, ate junk, and watched a movie. Then this morning they finally woke up about 9:20 or so...after I was asked more than once to "stop tickling me" and "quit trying to wake me up"....I couldn't resist they were all too cute!! I pray they are always close and remember these fun summer sleep overs!!

Unfamiliar Quiet

I am currently sitting in a very quiet house....there is not a t.v on anywhere and Buzz Lightyear must have made to beyond infinity...so all is still and silent lol! This almost never happens, me all alone at my own home that is. You see tonight Noah Samuel has been snuggled down in his bed for 45 plus minutes and my biggies and hubby left for a late movie (oh the joys of summer and late bedtimes)so that leaves little ole me! I cherish this time and really try to savor it because I know it doesn't come around often :)!! I normally spend the first 15 minutes of it in such shell shock that its actually happening that I accomplish...well nothing. Then I settle in the quiet and just exist for a bit. I am, according to my hubby, a free spirit and a bit spontaneous so I never quite use this time the same way as some would. Sometimes its a hot bath, other times a good book, a meaningless t.v show, a long un-interrupted conversation with a dear friend, painting toenails, painting a bathroom, moving furniture, eating a lot of junk, or the list just goes on. The only constant in this situation is the quiet...ah the quiet. It is a sound that as a mom I don't hear often, but it makes me treasure it all even more. Tonight I find myself in a quiet enough space to listen to the soundtrack of my life....I look and listen to this empty house and can't help but see my babies lounging on this furniture, toys hanging out from the edges of everywhere, laughter and even at times screaming coming from every room at different times. I can hear the sound of the cereal as it falls all over the floor because Ethan didn't realize it was open, and the milk splatter on the tile because the jug was heavier than Hannah thought, and the loud "bonk" of Noah's head on the granite (that just last month he wasn't tall enough to hit) and I feel comforted. All kinds of sounds occur in this house all day long....sometimes Sammy will call during the day and hear the insanity and say "what in the world is that" and I will say "what"...I don't even hear it....like I said its just the sounds of my life...its normal even expected....but tonight in the quiet I am able to hear it all...see it all. Sometimes we need a little quiet to make us appreciate the noise! I guess I am just thankful for both a home bursting with noises of love and family...and also thankful for moments of silence to realize it. Take a minute and just exist in your home and life....and listen...life has a beautiful melody!!

Friends as therapy....

Fair warning this post isn't deep and I doubt it will be "life changing" its really just the reflection of my thankful heart. I am so blessed to have a lot of friends....and I love them each new and old dearly! That being said I have very few "besties" as is the term used today :)! While I really am much like an open book as far as my opinions, choices, etc go there are parts of myself reserved only for the truly brave at heart....the "girls"! I must also before going on say that my ultimate best friend is my hubby....he really knows me in away no one else does...that said he is probably even more thankful for my "besties" than I am!!! These women who I am proud to call my best friends have known me for what feels like a lifetime. We have literally grown up together....we have seen one another through death, life, marriage, divorce, sickness, career change, and every other valley and peak you can think of. We have enough "dirt" on the other to write about 10 best sellers and we all have enough amazing stories to share we could write 10,000 mushy friendship greeting cards (which isn't any of our styles so that won't be happening...lol). These women over the years have worn several hats for me....but two things have remained constant they are always truthful and always love me. Now....we don't always agree but we always support each other! They have shown me loyalty like no other and they have jumped to do my defense time and time again. We have reached a place in our lives were we make time for one another....we may not talk daily (although we usually do) but we pick up right where we left off before. My husband often sends me to them when I have a breakdown and he has pulled out all the stops....he gives that look of "I haven't a clue what to do with you" and that is when I know a gno is a must!! Whether its lunch or dinner (always over Mexican food) or a nice long conversation...I always leave feeling better....having laughed, cried, laughed again! These women have been my therapy! I am blessed to walk through this life with them....they make me feel like being me (flaws and all) is ok and more than that is what they most love about me. I am proud to call them my friends...really my sisters! So call your friend, text, post on fb, whatever say how lucky you know you are and treasure free therapy :)!!

Things are starting to stick!

I love when we have the opportunity to serve as a family....like at the Shawnee Rescue Mission. It does get a bit tricky at times with Noah man being at a very busy age....okay lets face it there are times its next to impossible and the only way to describe our "service" is as "character building" for me :)! All that said we still go....my hope is always that us just being together and serving the poor will somehow impress upon them the great love Jesus has for all people.....and also that since we have been given much- much is what we should give back. So last night we took our precious youth kiddos and our kiddos and spent a while packing grocery boxes for needy families/persons. It was a rare night where everyone got to serve and here is what I learned from last night.

First, there is nothing like watching your husband serve and enjoy it. Sammy hasn't always been comfortable at the rescue mission- he wouldn't mind me saying that. He loves Jesus but the loving others was a bit hard for us until last year. I have seen God answer so many of my prayers for Sammy to be the Spiritual leader in our home(which meant mostly that God had to teach me to be submissive- those who know me know only God could do this) and for Sammy to love Jesus above us. Over the last year or so I have bee privileged to watch Sammy fall in love with Jesus.....above money, above career, above me and his children, and above himself! AMAZING!!! Don't get me wrong Sammy has always been a "nice guy" you know one of the good ones....but now he is a "broken for Jesus" kind of guy- ya know :)! So Jesus taught me last night yet again that He is faithful to answer the prayers of the faithful....and I am a humbled and blessed wife!

Second, he showed me what a surrendered heart in a teenager can look like. Our discipleship kids are nothing short of AMAZING!! I have two girls Bryse and Lydia and they love love love our kids. I am not sure if they realize how much it means to us as parents that our kids get to see teenagers living for Christ! These girls have both been to help us serve and their hearts for the Lord encourage me. Sammy has Drew in discipleship and he too is amazing. He loves our kids plugs in with them and they have all become a part of our family!! Last night in particular the they took their spots happily on the assembly line....with Hannah and Ethan right in the mix of it. They served with gladness and happy hearts. The Lord taught me the power that a young person yielded to Jesus can have!!

Third, He taught me that Hannah and Ethan get it. I sometimes wonder if they really understand why we do some of the things we do....or make some of the choices we make....and He constantly reminds they do and He is growing them into Him!! Hannah and Ethan served with happy hearts for the entire couple hours we were there. No real complaining and with JOY- something most of us adults need to learn! At one point I heard them making matches with soups- like the match game! So once we were home we got them ready for bed, and I asked Hannah if she had a nice time and she said to me "Yeah momma we should go every week because Jesus fed a lot of people tonight....we were part of a miracle". That tickled my heart! And when I told Ethan I was proud of how he had served he said, "well mom that is what prophets do". He has recently started telling us he is going to be a prophet when he gets big....while we have some explaining to do about this it is amazing....he says he wants to be one because they get to see God....and I quote "if you do really good at being a prophet God just takes you right up to heaven to be his friend like Elijah". At least they are listening and serving the Lord with gladness!

The last thing I was reminded of last night was that Jesus loves the hurting. What he has done at the mission over the last couple of years is humbling. His hand is at work there and he has given us a mission field ripe for the picking just waiting for laborers. He meets tangible needs there weekly, but He also becomes living water to many every week....who will now never thirst again. Over 100 families will receive groceries and last week 8 people received Christ! Thank you Jesus for showing us how to love! We are all the same distance from God's grace apart from Jesus.....love seeing that gap bridged with Salvation.

Now, just so no one is left thinking wow everything in their house is perfect etc.....this is my blessing day after days of the kids and mom not wanting to do school, my almost four year old wetting 2 beds in one night (I have no idea how that happens), and me trying to rush God and my hubby into a decision, a week of way over-eating, and repentance on my part for secretly wanting to drop kick Ethan for wetting two beds( how is that for honesty I didn't do it- Sammy promptly prayed over me at this point). Okay so its still crazy and on most days a beautiful disaster at best.....but we are learning and some things are sticking!!!

Things you would know if you knew me well...

I am a little troubled today from an encounter I had a while back with a person I would describe as an acquaintance. I am using that word to describe someone that I know basic information about; name, number of children, where they work, and also a person that I would trade common courtesies with when we bump into each other. I feel lucky to have lots of "acquaintances"! I live a pretty small community so it is fairly easy to "know" or "know of" people. So this acquaintance of mine happened to share with me the enjoyment she got from reading my facebook posts and my blog. She was even able to share with me a particular story I had blogged/posted about and add that she really thought "I had it all figured out". I of course said "thanks so glad you enjoyed it, but really I don't have it figured out" and then we both chuckled and we said goodbye. Honestly, I am always a bit shocked when anyone, acquaintance or not, mentions even having read my posts let alone that they like them. On facebook I just really post randomly, and while my blogs are somewhat more thoughtful they are still just at best my musings....sometimes the only conversationally charged outlet I get in a day:)! What this encounter really showed me was just how wrong perception can be. I mean in today's day and age of technology we can all feel like we know each other without really knowing each other. I have fb friends that I haven't seen in 10years but I know what they ate for breakfast, have seen their child's latest school picture, and I can tell what book they are currently reading judging by their fave quotes. Don't get me wrong this "glimpse" into daily life has its perks! Its a great way to keep up with people and a great way to see pictures and all, but it can also make us think we know someone when we really don't. I began to look back at some of my blogs and posts....and while I will say it wasn't my intention to only paint a positive side, I can see how someone knowing me only from those would think "she might have it all together". Speaking only for myself, because I have several friends who are much better about being real, I typically post during either quiet moments, good days when I actually have time to think, and after I have maybe "figured out" something I have been pondering. That of course influences the posting....for instance when the kids have good and the day is quiet I have time to muse, or if everyone is happy and funny I am more apt to notice a story to share, or once I have prayed and prayed and prayed some more I blog about what God revealed. What isn't reflected on my posts/blogs all the time (there were a couple) that you would know if you knew me well:
1. I am at heart a free spirit who trys really hard to be organized and scheduled....only to most of the time lose stuff, cram stuff in a closet, and show up 10 minutes late for everything
2. I must have at least 2 (and my husband would say 3)cups of coffee before I am safe to approach in the morning
3. I love to cook...I hate to cook....I am indecisive at best
4. I will commit to a lot of stuff for fear of saying no and then complain I am too busy
5. I often find myself saying "sorry" to my kids for sinning in my anger (that was even hard to type)
6. I do use bribery with my children....I am not above it
7. I do not return phone calls.....my true friends know this all too well
8. When Sammy and I argue it is typically because I am in a mood and choose to pick a fight, and most all the things I say about him during those arguments are really true about me (I hope he doesn't read this!)
9. I constantly second guess myself
10. I like to eat whole food and be healthy when I can....but I really like french fries ALOT
11. My house is clean and my laundry is most of the time done....but my car is a pit and my closet well we won't even go there
12. I spend too much time of fb
13. I still care way too much about what people think
14. There is atleast one day a week my children and I (yes even me) stay in pajamas most of the day (we change before dad comes home to give the appearance that we are responsible)
15. I hate stress....and under stress I am not very nice
16. I set my children in front of the TV sometimes to get housework done (yes I do not proud of it but its true)
17. I will choose playing with my kids over my "to do list"
18. Who am I kidding....I can't find a pad or a pen to make a "to do list"
19. I cry at almost anything sad or happy....and its getting worse with age
20. I worry....even though I claim my motto is :"Never hurry never worry" (great words of wisdom from "Charlotte's Webb"
and those are just off the top of my head :)! My purpose in this isn't to paint a bad picture of me, but rather just to say there is more to me than fb and my blog. I am so glad people like to read this stuff.....this is just my effort to "keep it real". We can really be anything we want to be on Internet....I just want to be me flaws and all!!

"Saving Pearls"

Disclaimer: This is long....it was hard to share but I know I had to- to go further with God so I am sharing its very honest and not a great picture of me....so proceed with Grace :)

I know, like the way you know you know something, in my heart and soul I am saved by faith and grace alone. And still there is a part of me that goes back to how hard I can work for my salvation.....there is a place of such legalism I can go to that it leaves me at a place isolated from the Lord. Let me be clear....He is there...I am not I am in a place of checklists of items to make myself a "super Christian" and if any of you have the same tendency than you know that is an empty place full of just days of distracting yourself from true intimacy with God. It has taken me a LONG time to accept this tendency of mine, being in that in most other areas of my life I am not legalistic and on the whole am somewhat laid back. I spent last year on an amazing journey of discovering Jesus. I mean like really talking to Him...not in some fancy prayer language that I just had to master....but in like "Holly language". Some examples would be "Lord help me want to talk to you everyday" or "Lord make me care more about what you think of me than what (fill in the blank) thinks of me". It was through theses sort of non-scheduled sporadic simple prayers I really felt Jesus. It was amazing and it began a really tough process of looking at myself and seeing some tough stuff. Like.....I like to "serve" the Lord more than actually spend time with Him, and I actually run and isolate when I am going through a trial rather than relying on Him, and that I really like the approval of others to a fault. So these things were really great to figure out, but it left me thinking okay now what. I know theses are issues Lord so I am fixed- YAY!!! WRONG.....I realize now that these are things He was showing me to give me discernment over my situations to be offensive against the enemy who would like no more than to exploit these "push buttons". Well as I grew closer the enemy also grew more afraid.....his tatics began to push on me....you see the enemy wants nothing more than for you "not to get it"....true intimacy with Christ. I spent that last six months of last year slowly falling into a trap of legalism. I was growing closer with God so I thought okay....faith without works is dead, and it is, so I must do some work. Well, I started serving everywhere I could and I began looking for the "biggest" thing I could do for God. I acted first....prayed later at best....and began the "list" and "comparison" game once again. I mean don't get me wrong we should serve and we should be obedient to Christ in the work He has for us, but I wasn't doing that. I was just working and serving for me because I thought well I am growing so I need to be serving, and then it was well I can't just wait on God....He isn't directing me...so I will direct and it will be fine. My thought process then was well if I am deciding what I will do for God then I have to do the biggest and best thing....the thing that gets the most attention and is the hardest....fill in the blank. For me it was be an international missionary. It was big, it was bold, and it received the most praise from others. So we set out on this journey only to get every door....and I do mean every door slammed in our face. Well if you have ever met me...you know that slammed doors mean to push harder or dig a tunnel under. So the end of last year was spent fighting with Sammy about going or staying....stitching together my own plans....and pulling away from God and pushing my own agenda. It left me tired....frustrated.....with a confused hubby.....and a hurt heart. How did I get right back where I had figured out how not to go AGAIN.....so I started the year like I started last year praying alot. I pulled away a bit from sharing about this part of our lives, not for fear of what people would think, but because I had to figure out what I thought. Part of me was really mad....I thought at first at God but really I was mad at me....I mean why can't we do this for you God???? I mean I remember thinking "God you can make these doors open if you want to" or "I would be really good at this job and you really need me to do this"....I know its painful even to type but its true!! So after my self depreciating prayers I began just sit before Him. I was just waiting to listen really literally saying nothing. I was laden with guilt....about everything about not going to be a missionary, about not serving enough, about not blessing others enough, about not doing enough for God. Guilt had side-lined me and I was tired of it. So one day it was quiet....Noah was sleeping and the big kids wanted to watch T.V. so I turned it on....and walked, somewhat I am convinced involuntarily, to my closet. I sat down and shut the door....it was dark all accept the light that was peeking from through from the bottom of the door. Praying in my closet wasn't really weird for me...I have adult ADD I think so in the past I came there when I was walking really close with God and needed to really focus with no distractions. So here I was....I wasn't sure why but I was there. I began to just worship God....I just said "You are holy" over and over again....then I began to cry and just ask, without words but in my heart, why I couldn't do this for Him, why I couldn't go wherever for Him, why He couldn't just make this happen for me, why I couldn't do big things for His glory....and then I opened my eyes and looked up the and a pearl bracelet of mine caught my attention. It was hanging on a jewlry rack on my closet wall and the light caught the pearls just enough for me to take notice, and as I looked at the bracelet I remember thinking man that is pretty.....and God began to bring back to me several snap shots of moments He had allowed me to be a blessing to someone for His glory.....these were really random moments that I had never thought brought Him glory....I hadn't even mentioned most of them to Sammy I mean I only talked about the big things I got to do. As I watched this slide show in my head it was like He was stringing together these really beautiful pearls....one by one....little by little.....these moments where pleasing to Him because it brought Him glory not me. I loved that prayer moment....but I am still understanding His full lesson for me.....I know now that I had made service for Him about glory for me.....and that He has something for me to do I just need to be ok with what it is. I am not saying that His plan isn't for us to go to the ends of the earth spreading the Gospel...maybe it is....what I am saying is He is making my heart okay with the fact it might not be....it might just be taking a sack of groceries to a struggling family.....or taking out the trash at the rescue mission.....He is stringing together pearls in life to make something beautiful for His glory. He is daily reminding me that it is an honor to serve Him and it has to be about Him and not me and not anyone else!! So I guess He has freed me up now to serve where He calls.... So my job in this.....is to treasure those pearls and obediently follow where He tells me to go to gather more!!! So now I wake up daily looking for pearls......