A Great Decison

I have made a few, very few, great decisions in my life and one of them occurred a bit over 10 years ago. You see a little over 10 years ago became Mrs. Anwer Ehtisham (that is Sammy for those who don't know his real name). It was a GREAT decision...one of those things you just "know you know". I knew it was right and I felt God in it and it was easy...its those kinds of decisions I am very thankful for.
We celebrated our anniversary in the Mayan Rivera and that was also a great decision :)! This was the first time I had ever left our little ones for that long...and while it was hard....and I knocked Sammy over trying to get back in the door the see them lol...it was a much needed time of uninterrupted talking and laughing, being together, and getting one anothers undivided attention- in short if was perfection!
As I have been thinking about what I most wanted to say about this major milestone a common theme of decisions kept coming up. I mean I could rattle on and on about how wonderful our marriage is and how "perfect" we are for one another and how we never fight and its always easy....I think it better to be real! The truth is that the first decision of "saying yes" was easy and effortless but its the decisions that God has allowed and guided us through since then that have made us "us". Its the times when one of us chose to be the strong one, or when one of us chose to say I am sorry, or the time when we chose to let some trivial disagreement go, or when one of us chose to show up even when we didn't want to that day, or when we chose to like the other one when it was hard, and we chose grace over blame time and time again. I guess I am most proud to say that God has allowed us to make some great choices over the last 10 years....choices apart from Him we wouldn't of made. You see I know that God's plan was for me to be Sammy's wife and for Sammy to be my husband...not because we necessarily perfectly complimented each other or because our love would be effortless...but because it was "best" for me and for him and best to accomplish His kingdom purpose! We have been entrusted these children for a short time and my prayer is always to show them what a marriage rooted and established in the Lord looks like.....it never looks perfect but it is always filled with grace....after all its that extension of Divine grace that makes any and all of the other stuff possible!!
So Sammy: I say thank you for choosing God's will, for choosing me, for choosing strength, and for always choosing grace! I have been challenged to grow spiritually by you daily (and sometimes just been challenged by you lol)! Its been far "better" than "worse" and even in the worse thanks for "choosing" to stick it out! I know that what God has made in us in unbreakable....and I honestly can say that saying yes to you was a great great decision. I love you and like you and can't wait for the next years :)!!

The Loose Tooth

Well this might not truly be "blog worthy" to some but to us it is!!! Last night sweet Hannah Paige lost her first tooth. It had been loose for about two weeks or so now and she was faithfully wiggling it! Well last night it came out. It was quite the family event; Daddy pulled the tooth, Ethan held the plastic bag for the tooth, mom videoed, Noah slept :), and Hannah was a brave girl! She had the best most excited expressions it was so fun!! The video is priceless and so is her now not so "toothy" smile!! When the excitement was over and she drifted off to sleep...Sammy and I having been contracted by the tooth fairy :) tiptoed in and made the trade. As we looked at the small little tooth in the bag...I was reminded of when she first got teeth. She has always been very calm and layed back and about the only sign of teething she ever showed was drool...and lots of it...she would wake up and have a new tooth. I remember that same bright smile and those same excited expressions of every new milestone. Time has allowed me many sweet snap shots of this little miracle girl growing up....and I reminded tonight that all things "kiddo" should be treasured and rejoiced over. So tonight is bittersweet...for I know that there will be many more loose teeth, then it will be first dances, first time at camp, first dates, first heartaches, graduations, college, jobs, marriage, motherhood...okay now I am very sad! Now really its a small tooth, I know, but a big deal all the same and the "first" of many "firsts" to come!!

Summer Sleepovers

Last night my Hannah Paige had yet another sleep over with her cousins...Alli Ann and Bella Boo!! These girls are all very close in age and are always together....which I LOVE!! Yesterday and last night reminded me that they are all getting too big. I overheard a lot of " oh my gosh", "are you for real", and "no way". I also heard a rather lengthy discussion about how Selena Beiber "just doesn't sound right". It was too funny!!! They swam, dressed up, did make up, ate junk, and watched a movie. Then this morning they finally woke up about 9:20 or so...after I was asked more than once to "stop tickling me" and "quit trying to wake me up"....I couldn't resist they were all too cute!! I pray they are always close and remember these fun summer sleep overs!!

Unfamiliar Quiet

I am currently sitting in a very quiet house....there is not a t.v on anywhere and Buzz Lightyear must have made to beyond infinity...so all is still and silent lol! This almost never happens, me all alone at my own home that is. You see tonight Noah Samuel has been snuggled down in his bed for 45 plus minutes and my biggies and hubby left for a late movie (oh the joys of summer and late bedtimes)so that leaves little ole me! I cherish this time and really try to savor it because I know it doesn't come around often :)!! I normally spend the first 15 minutes of it in such shell shock that its actually happening that I accomplish...well nothing. Then I settle in the quiet and just exist for a bit. I am, according to my hubby, a free spirit and a bit spontaneous so I never quite use this time the same way as some would. Sometimes its a hot bath, other times a good book, a meaningless t.v show, a long un-interrupted conversation with a dear friend, painting toenails, painting a bathroom, moving furniture, eating a lot of junk, or the list just goes on. The only constant in this situation is the quiet...ah the quiet. It is a sound that as a mom I don't hear often, but it makes me treasure it all even more. Tonight I find myself in a quiet enough space to listen to the soundtrack of my life....I look and listen to this empty house and can't help but see my babies lounging on this furniture, toys hanging out from the edges of everywhere, laughter and even at times screaming coming from every room at different times. I can hear the sound of the cereal as it falls all over the floor because Ethan didn't realize it was open, and the milk splatter on the tile because the jug was heavier than Hannah thought, and the loud "bonk" of Noah's head on the granite (that just last month he wasn't tall enough to hit) and I feel comforted. All kinds of sounds occur in this house all day long....sometimes Sammy will call during the day and hear the insanity and say "what in the world is that" and I will say "what"...I don't even hear it....like I said its just the sounds of my life...its normal even expected....but tonight in the quiet I am able to hear it all...see it all. Sometimes we need a little quiet to make us appreciate the noise! I guess I am just thankful for both a home bursting with noises of love and family...and also thankful for moments of silence to realize it. Take a minute and just exist in your home and life....and listen...life has a beautiful melody!!

Friends as therapy....

Fair warning this post isn't deep and I doubt it will be "life changing" its really just the reflection of my thankful heart. I am so blessed to have a lot of friends....and I love them each new and old dearly! That being said I have very few "besties" as is the term used today :)! While I really am much like an open book as far as my opinions, choices, etc go there are parts of myself reserved only for the truly brave at heart....the "girls"! I must also before going on say that my ultimate best friend is my hubby....he really knows me in away no one else does...that said he is probably even more thankful for my "besties" than I am!!! These women who I am proud to call my best friends have known me for what feels like a lifetime. We have literally grown up together....we have seen one another through death, life, marriage, divorce, sickness, career change, and every other valley and peak you can think of. We have enough "dirt" on the other to write about 10 best sellers and we all have enough amazing stories to share we could write 10,000 mushy friendship greeting cards (which isn't any of our styles so that won't be happening...lol). These women over the years have worn several hats for me....but two things have remained constant they are always truthful and always love me. Now....we don't always agree but we always support each other! They have shown me loyalty like no other and they have jumped to do my defense time and time again. We have reached a place in our lives were we make time for one another....we may not talk daily (although we usually do) but we pick up right where we left off before. My husband often sends me to them when I have a breakdown and he has pulled out all the stops....he gives that look of "I haven't a clue what to do with you" and that is when I know a gno is a must!! Whether its lunch or dinner (always over Mexican food) or a nice long conversation...I always leave feeling better....having laughed, cried, laughed again! These women have been my therapy! I am blessed to walk through this life with them....they make me feel like being me (flaws and all) is ok and more than that is what they most love about me. I am proud to call them my friends...really my sisters! So call your friend, text, post on fb, whatever say how lucky you know you are and treasure free therapy :)!!

Things are starting to stick!

I love when we have the opportunity to serve as a family....like at the Shawnee Rescue Mission. It does get a bit tricky at times with Noah man being at a very busy age....okay lets face it there are times its next to impossible and the only way to describe our "service" is as "character building" for me :)! All that said we still go....my hope is always that us just being together and serving the poor will somehow impress upon them the great love Jesus has for all people.....and also that since we have been given much- much is what we should give back. So last night we took our precious youth kiddos and our kiddos and spent a while packing grocery boxes for needy families/persons. It was a rare night where everyone got to serve and here is what I learned from last night.

First, there is nothing like watching your husband serve and enjoy it. Sammy hasn't always been comfortable at the rescue mission- he wouldn't mind me saying that. He loves Jesus but the loving others was a bit hard for us until last year. I have seen God answer so many of my prayers for Sammy to be the Spiritual leader in our home(which meant mostly that God had to teach me to be submissive- those who know me know only God could do this) and for Sammy to love Jesus above us. Over the last year or so I have bee privileged to watch Sammy fall in love with Jesus.....above money, above career, above me and his children, and above himself! AMAZING!!! Don't get me wrong Sammy has always been a "nice guy" you know one of the good ones....but now he is a "broken for Jesus" kind of guy- ya know :)! So Jesus taught me last night yet again that He is faithful to answer the prayers of the faithful....and I am a humbled and blessed wife!

Second, he showed me what a surrendered heart in a teenager can look like. Our discipleship kids are nothing short of AMAZING!! I have two girls Bryse and Lydia and they love love love our kids. I am not sure if they realize how much it means to us as parents that our kids get to see teenagers living for Christ! These girls have both been to help us serve and their hearts for the Lord encourage me. Sammy has Drew in discipleship and he too is amazing. He loves our kids plugs in with them and they have all become a part of our family!! Last night in particular the they took their spots happily on the assembly line....with Hannah and Ethan right in the mix of it. They served with gladness and happy hearts. The Lord taught me the power that a young person yielded to Jesus can have!!

Third, He taught me that Hannah and Ethan get it. I sometimes wonder if they really understand why we do some of the things we do....or make some of the choices we make....and He constantly reminds they do and He is growing them into Him!! Hannah and Ethan served with happy hearts for the entire couple hours we were there. No real complaining and with JOY- something most of us adults need to learn! At one point I heard them making matches with soups- like the match game! So once we were home we got them ready for bed, and I asked Hannah if she had a nice time and she said to me "Yeah momma we should go every week because Jesus fed a lot of people tonight....we were part of a miracle". That tickled my heart! And when I told Ethan I was proud of how he had served he said, "well mom that is what prophets do". He has recently started telling us he is going to be a prophet when he gets big....while we have some explaining to do about this it is amazing....he says he wants to be one because they get to see God....and I quote "if you do really good at being a prophet God just takes you right up to heaven to be his friend like Elijah". At least they are listening and serving the Lord with gladness!

The last thing I was reminded of last night was that Jesus loves the hurting. What he has done at the mission over the last couple of years is humbling. His hand is at work there and he has given us a mission field ripe for the picking just waiting for laborers. He meets tangible needs there weekly, but He also becomes living water to many every week....who will now never thirst again. Over 100 families will receive groceries and last week 8 people received Christ! Thank you Jesus for showing us how to love! We are all the same distance from God's grace apart from Jesus.....love seeing that gap bridged with Salvation.

Now, just so no one is left thinking wow everything in their house is perfect etc.....this is my blessing day after days of the kids and mom not wanting to do school, my almost four year old wetting 2 beds in one night (I have no idea how that happens), and me trying to rush God and my hubby into a decision, a week of way over-eating, and repentance on my part for secretly wanting to drop kick Ethan for wetting two beds( how is that for honesty I didn't do it- Sammy promptly prayed over me at this point). Okay so its still crazy and on most days a beautiful disaster at best.....but we are learning and some things are sticking!!!

Things you would know if you knew me well...

I am a little troubled today from an encounter I had a while back with a person I would describe as an acquaintance. I am using that word to describe someone that I know basic information about; name, number of children, where they work, and also a person that I would trade common courtesies with when we bump into each other. I feel lucky to have lots of "acquaintances"! I live a pretty small community so it is fairly easy to "know" or "know of" people. So this acquaintance of mine happened to share with me the enjoyment she got from reading my facebook posts and my blog. She was even able to share with me a particular story I had blogged/posted about and add that she really thought "I had it all figured out". I of course said "thanks so glad you enjoyed it, but really I don't have it figured out" and then we both chuckled and we said goodbye. Honestly, I am always a bit shocked when anyone, acquaintance or not, mentions even having read my posts let alone that they like them. On facebook I just really post randomly, and while my blogs are somewhat more thoughtful they are still just at best my musings....sometimes the only conversationally charged outlet I get in a day:)! What this encounter really showed me was just how wrong perception can be. I mean in today's day and age of technology we can all feel like we know each other without really knowing each other. I have fb friends that I haven't seen in 10years but I know what they ate for breakfast, have seen their child's latest school picture, and I can tell what book they are currently reading judging by their fave quotes. Don't get me wrong this "glimpse" into daily life has its perks! Its a great way to keep up with people and a great way to see pictures and all, but it can also make us think we know someone when we really don't. I began to look back at some of my blogs and posts....and while I will say it wasn't my intention to only paint a positive side, I can see how someone knowing me only from those would think "she might have it all together". Speaking only for myself, because I have several friends who are much better about being real, I typically post during either quiet moments, good days when I actually have time to think, and after I have maybe "figured out" something I have been pondering. That of course influences the posting....for instance when the kids have good and the day is quiet I have time to muse, or if everyone is happy and funny I am more apt to notice a story to share, or once I have prayed and prayed and prayed some more I blog about what God revealed. What isn't reflected on my posts/blogs all the time (there were a couple) that you would know if you knew me well:
1. I am at heart a free spirit who trys really hard to be organized and scheduled....only to most of the time lose stuff, cram stuff in a closet, and show up 10 minutes late for everything
2. I must have at least 2 (and my husband would say 3)cups of coffee before I am safe to approach in the morning
3. I love to cook...I hate to cook....I am indecisive at best
4. I will commit to a lot of stuff for fear of saying no and then complain I am too busy
5. I often find myself saying "sorry" to my kids for sinning in my anger (that was even hard to type)
6. I do use bribery with my children....I am not above it
7. I do not return phone calls.....my true friends know this all too well
8. When Sammy and I argue it is typically because I am in a mood and choose to pick a fight, and most all the things I say about him during those arguments are really true about me (I hope he doesn't read this!)
9. I constantly second guess myself
10. I like to eat whole food and be healthy when I can....but I really like french fries ALOT
11. My house is clean and my laundry is most of the time done....but my car is a pit and my closet well we won't even go there
12. I spend too much time of fb
13. I still care way too much about what people think
14. There is atleast one day a week my children and I (yes even me) stay in pajamas most of the day (we change before dad comes home to give the appearance that we are responsible)
15. I hate stress....and under stress I am not very nice
16. I set my children in front of the TV sometimes to get housework done (yes I do not proud of it but its true)
17. I will choose playing with my kids over my "to do list"
18. Who am I kidding....I can't find a pad or a pen to make a "to do list"
19. I cry at almost anything sad or happy....and its getting worse with age
20. I worry....even though I claim my motto is :"Never hurry never worry" (great words of wisdom from "Charlotte's Webb"
and those are just off the top of my head :)! My purpose in this isn't to paint a bad picture of me, but rather just to say there is more to me than fb and my blog. I am so glad people like to read this stuff.....this is just my effort to "keep it real". We can really be anything we want to be on Internet....I just want to be me flaws and all!!