Less of me....more of Him

Today wasn't my best mom day.

I was hurried and less than kind

I was focused on my list and what had to be done

I was short tempered and unavailable in the present moment

I never yelled or handed out unfair punishment

but I had done enough that my little people could see mom was struggling

I got home after a day of errands

I stood in a kitchen of grocery sacks

With dishes piled high and mail to sort through

With piles of laundry tempting me to move past this one moment

but

He was greater than me

He should have been that way all day

One kiddo was at football practice and the other two escaped to soak up the fall day in our backyard

I stood there and took it in

Not the mess not the exhaustion not laundry

The Flesh

The flesh of me

Me that puts me first

me that isn't slow to anger or long suffering

or kind or forgiving of wrongs

Too much me today

Then right there His grace floods in

I am reminded He humbled himself and served

He traded nobility to be a man

to live holy and die

and face God's wrath for me

For me in the grocery store

for me when I am insensitive to a friend

for me when I am apathetic

for me when there is too much of me

"He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less". John 3:30

Everyday more of Him and less of me

Everyday I want to grow in Him

"But grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ..." 2 Peter 3:18

I will in my flesh fail but He never fails

"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another helper, who will stay with you forever" John 14:16

He has never left me 

He is with me

His grace covers today and tomorrow 

His Spirit gives me power over my flesh

I will be in step with you in the store

during homeschool

with Sammy

with friends

with church

with a lost world

Be my words and hands and my feet

because on my own I will fail

I will walk with you, Lord

Even with a to-do list

Especially since I am entrusted little people

in-spite of a schedule

because I need you

"But I say ,walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh" Gal 5:16

thank you Lord that your grace covers me up 

and that little ones forgive and cuddle

and that your Spirit is relentless to teach and love

Thank You!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is coming up this Sunday and I wanted to talk a little bit about moms and mothering.  First, I want to say Happy Mother's Day to my mom.  I have grown a lot in terms of respect and love for my mom over the last four years-or so.  As I am faced with "mom situations" of my own, words she once said ring in my ears.  I appreciate her experience and wisdom in situations that only comes with age.  I also want to say I love a lot of characteristics about my mom.  She is silly, loyal to her kids, loves her grand-babies  has a good work ethic, she is passionate, blunt, funny, and a sensitive soul.  My mom and I are night and day different ,and I think we have maybe finally figured out how to love each other the way we are.  God made us uniquely different and yet put us together as mother and daughter! Thanks for loving me as a colicky infant, thanks for indulging my toddler imagination by acknowledging "Benny" my imaginary friend, thanks for kissing my boo boos, thanks for wiping my tears when kiddos were mean, thanks for loving me when I was a bratty 16,17, and 18 year old, thanks for encouraging me to go to college, thanks for being as excited as me about the wedding, thanks for crying tears of joy when we announced "Baby coming soon", thanks for sticking with me through tough spots, thanks for just being my mom!!  So Happy Mother's Day to you mom.  You helped raise and shape me. We have yelled, fought, laughed, cried, complained, forgiven and had a whole lotta fun too- !! I honor you momma!!

Second, I would like to  thank my Mother in law, but for all intents and purposes she is my Mom too!!  Thank you!  First, for having such a wonderful and handsome son.  I appreciate the way you raised your boys (girls too) to love and honor their parents.  I am thankful for your son and how He treats me and our children- I know that comes from you and Sam- and Jesus!!  I love how you have loved and welcomed me as your daughter.  I have truly learned so much about family by being a part of your family!!  I love you and honor you as my mom!!  Happy Mother's Day!!

Third, to all the "moms" in my life.  I have all kinds great examples of motherhood in my life my mom, mother-in-law, step-mom, sisters, and friends.  Ladies who love their babies and aren't afraid to wake up everyday and answer the call to motherhood. I have friends who spend quality time on their knees praying in God's stuff for their babies.  I walk daily with some mommas who take seriously the task of pointing their little ones to Christ.  These ladies never fake it either- they call a bad day - a bad day, and they believe the new mercies of the morning will be sufficient for the next.  These ladies text, call, or just show up to lend a hand or encourage- and I feel their prayers over me all the time.  These ladies are raising the next generation of Followers. Some live right here next to me and some far away.  They are discipling  on the couch, in the sandbox, in the mini-van, at the dinner table, and everywhere in between.  They don't get a lot of applause or accolade, mostly just wet kisses that taste of Cheetos and apple juice.  They have answered His call and they hold their precious babies opened handed as gifts they are entrusted with.  They use their time to pour out the love Jesus has poured into them- then one day they turn loose and watch as those babies pour!  So to all of you mommas I am so blessed to life with- I say thank you!  You are seen, you are appreciated  and you are raising up some fine followers- as you yourself follow!!

I end with this "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and , I am persuaded, now lives in you also."2Timothy 1:5

Lord, let our faith persuade our babies to have a sincere faith of their own that is noticeable for Your glory! 

Happy Mother's Day!!

Be Awake

I feel awake today.  Sometimes I feel like I go through an entire day of routine without being awake. I can snuggle babies, make breakfast, kiss boo boos, iron clothes, do laundry, clean dishes, play wii, play a board game, read a book...all without really even being "awake" or plugged in.  To some this would be seen as a good thing, but in my eyes its dangerous.  I can get in a fog sometimes in life.  I function and I get done what has to be done, but I can't squeeze much joy out of that.  Sometimes the fogs are the result of stress or business   Sometimes its a trial that I am going through and I allow it to suck all of my energy.  Sometimes it is because I am weary- just plain tired.  Sometimes I am foggy out of selfishness.

Today I am awake.  Wide awake.  I have seen every detail of the day clearly.  I noticed when my eyes popped open my head was congested more than normal   I heard the voice of my husband as he urged me to take some cold medicine and to rest more than normal.  I let his words soak in and the look in his eyes and his hand on my shoulder said "i love you- go slow- rest"!  When one of my little guys jumped in my bed, I saw how his eyes closed when his head hit my shoulder.  When I was at Walmart talking with the cashier, I saw her posture change when I asked how she was and about her boys.  She smiled when talked of how they fight always, but missed each other when they were apart.  I saw a tear well in a friend's eye as she spoke through her grief, I also saw her relaxed smile when she talked of the sun soaked walk she had today.  I felt in the pit of my stomach the need to be with my Bible study girls tomorrow- so I canceled my eye appointment.  I see the wind blowing my daughters hair, as she plays, revealing a sweet face somewhere in between little girl and young lady.  I smell the clean laundry today as I change it.  

I am awake.  My mind is awake and alert.  I am hearing the rustling of the pages of my Bible.  I love that sound.  I am humble and awake.  Words read a million times soak in today to new places.  And my appreciation for my Living Savior is great and awake!     

I am humble in God's hand and He has lifted me up.  I am not anxiously foggy-going from one thing to the next.  I am awakened to Him caring enough to prepare this day.  (1Peter 5:6-7)

"Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1Peter 5:8

I am alert, awake, controlled by self- which is controlled by Him.  The enemy can steal days upon days from us when we "sleep" through them.  The joy can be all but sucked out of a day-leaving it hard to recall and without memory.  God is so good to awaken us.  He can use love, tragedy, a song, a verse, a friend, a husband, or His Spirit.  

So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober

1Thess 5:6

I am going upstream today- awake...in a world that says do two, even three things at once. It says you are only as good as the items checked off your "to do "list.  It says success =business.  It says simple is unimportant. It says go through the motions. 

 I choose every moment, I choose one thing then the next, I choose to squeeze joy from today, and I choose awake!  

Satisfied in the Morning...

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.....May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us-yes, establish the work of our hands." Psalm 90:14&17

These verses came to mind this morning.  I was buried deep in covers and surrounded by the the hum of my three babies sleeping.  Finally, the fell asleep around 2 am after some loud storms.  The light was sneaking in from behind the curtains which was a comforting change from the lightening that lit up the room during the night.  I laid there thankful for the morning.  The night had been long, loud, wet, and windy- it was storm.  

I was tired.  My babies usually sleep so I usually sleep, but I was awake for this storm.  My babies were awake and needed snuggling.  They needed to hear it was going to be ok.  They needed to know I was awake and I was there.  As things quieted down they relaxed, they were soothed, they trusted the storm would end...and they fell asleep.  As they awoke they smiled and walked into the day stretching out before them.  

As I read over these verses I thanked God for the storm.  Both the actual storm and the storms of life.  The storm last night was loud, scary, windy, but it also brought much needed rain.  It also ushered in the morning.  I was so happy to see the morning.  

Storms of life are like this too!!  They are loud, scary, dare to blow us over, and long....but they usher in the morning.  During the storm we are scared, awake, nervous, still, and waiting.  It is there in those storms, I have been comforted by my Jesus.  He has held my hand, snuggled me up, told me it would be for my good. He has calmed me, taken my burden and made it His, and He stays awake and with me until the storm passes!  He ushers in the morning!

So this morning I stumbled out of bed tired but thankful.  I began the day He laid out before me, with His favor resting on me,  and I was refreshed in Him by the work of my hands.  It wasn't epic or of monumental importance, but it was my work.  I stirred chocolate syrup into milk, explained rounding, helped mark vowels, switched laundry, cleaned toothpaste stained sinks, and rested.  It was my work for this day established by Him.  The storm had made me tired, but the morning was beautifully refreshing.  The storms do remind me of His unfailing love and the way He ushers in my day the morning after, and just moves me on...on to the work of living- living established by Him.  

This beautiful picture of Him in the storm left me satisfied this morning- and praising Him!

Keep Him Close

I had a very wise woman once tell me to write Scripture on note cards and put them all throughout your home.  I have some on the inside of most all my cabinets in my kitchen and laundry room.  I love these sweet nuggets of Truth sprinkled along my day.  I am always in the kitchen or laundry room so I read them often- I have some memorized!  On certain days I will frantically go to one of those rooms and pull open doors just to read the Truth on the other side.....like seriously frantically I am sure it would look quite comical to anyone watching.

Anyway, when I taped these up I just kind of stuck them up there.  No real order or thought behind it.  They were in a stack and so I just went all around in order to proximity and put them in place.  Thankfully, God is never ever random.  Every week it seems He has me opening the same cupboard over and over and when He is satisfied in that lesson, He has me in and out of a different cabinet over and over.  The week my husband had the flu...My verse was

 "Therefore as a prisoner of the Lord, I urge you to  live a life worthy of the calling you have received   Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love'  Eph 4:1 and 2.


 He knew I would need this to serve my husband, care for him, and be patient with my kiddos that week of being the only parent(Sammy was kept quarantined in our bedroom) .  It took humility  gentleness, and kindness to live the life He called me to that week.  I have several examples of how He has been good to use these verses, but I will just share one more that happened this morning.

I was standing in my kitchen getting ready for Bible study and honestly feeling a bit sad.  One of my dearest friends recently moved away and my heart misses her, but today I missed her even more, I always sat with her during Bible Study.  I also happened to be warming water to make some hot tea at the time, and this friend and I had shared endless cups of hot coffee/tea.  We would sit, laugh, pray, and sip together.  So my heart was a bit sad.  I began praying over this friend and asking for her day.  She has been going through so much with the change and she was on my heart.  So I prayed- and then the microwave timer "dinged" and I took out my hot water.  I walked to the cabinet that holds my coffee and tea and opened it....realizing just then that the verse in that cabinet is a verse He gave me for her a long time ago.  It is one of my faves and now I claim it as mine too...

"But blessed are those who trust in Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.  They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.  Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.  Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit" Jeremiah 17:7-8

There it was again....perfectly timed truth from God.  A nice reminder for her and I that He has us rooted in Him.  We are blessed, we are seen, we are loved, we are deep in Him, and we have no fear.  This is a new season of change for my friend.- but she will bear much fruit. This is  a season of the learning for me and I am rooted in Him....today I learn nothing is random.


 He is close and purposeful and I am thankful for that!!!  Hide His word in your hearts....and your cabinets :)

Keeping a Record of Wrongs....

Love keeps no record of wrongs.....this section of Chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians is really convicting me today.    This morning started really great and then about mid-morning we had some issues.  Somewhere in between Language Arts and Math we all decided to put on our old flesh.  Ethan decided he didn't want to read, Hannah decided to rush through her writing in hopes I wouldn't notice,and Noah decided to scream at everyone within earshot, and all went downhill from there.  All during this time I was checking on friends who were having surgery, sick family members, and canceling a trip to Omaha at the end of the week.  It was a whirlwind of details to be ironed out, worry to fall victim to, and the pressure of the looming deadlines of life today- so I was a bit stressed :)!  On a side note, my last post is somewhat ironic since this day isn't slow and mundane...oh how I love God's sense of humor.  Anyway, my mind was frazzled and distracted and I basically began making a big old mountain out of a few mole hills my kiddos had created.

I started ,what was arguably one of my best lectures to date, in true "mom with the never ending memory' fashion.  I laid out the case clearly, concisely  and complete with specific examples.  I had dates and details to contribute my case against my children.  As I went on and on about heart change= behavior change....and how we must stay connected to God because apart from Him we can't do this....I heard Him.  I could feel the Lord saying all these things to me.  I could feel Him lovingly tell me to be quiet and stop.  Instantly I was comforted with His words..."love keeps no record of wrongs".

He has no memory of my sins.  They are gone- dead- nailed to a cross.  When He sees me He sees Christ's righteousness transferred to me via the cross.  As far as the east is from the west is how far He has removed my mess ups.  He has no back-up, thumb drive, hard drive, archive, of my sin- its gone.  The way He loves me leaves no record for my sin.

Right there in this moment with my kiddos He was there.  So I stopped and looked into there glassy, teary, and confused little eyes and said "I am sorry".  And then I told them the good news ....I told them  the Gospel.  I told them Jesus loves us and keeps no list of our sins and that I would try to do better at loving them this way.  I said I sure didn't want them to keep a list of all my sins against them....and a humbling thing happened.  With little and confused faces they said they couldn't make a list because I was a good mommy.  I am not writing this to brag on me or my kids- quite the opposite   I write this from a humble heart.  I am humbled at how Jesus forgives totally all of my mess and your mess.  I am humbled with how children live this out day to day....they keep no record of wrongs.  I am humbled at how much I need this lesson.  You see after I had some time to think, and pray, I realized I was keeping their record of wrong...and other records of wrong for others and even myself.

Keeping records of wrong is dangerous.  It can make a person feel entitlement, pride, anger, and fear.  I am hanging on to some hurts, whether minor or big, that I am fearful of letting go.  Keeping these gives me the false sense that I somehow control situations, or that I can keep hurt from happening again, or that I can cause a heart to repent.  I can't do any of those things....all I can do is love and trust His perfect love.  And perfect love keeps no record of wrongs.  This mom is learning this today!

Gratitude equals contentment.....

Comparison, envy, covetousness, and want can steal contentment.  They have stolen some of mine.  I hate admitting that, but its true.  All of these emotions take me out out of the present.   Comparison puts me in someone else's life, envy takes me to somewhere that isn't my place, covetousness robs me of the blessing He has for me now, and want keeps me from loving where I am placed today!

Contentment is steady, sure, peaceful, satisfied, full, confident, ready....contentment is a state that happens in the present when I am most connected to God.  Comparison, envy....and so on are all emotions that are circumstantial and wavering, but contentment is based on Jesus- and He never changes.  So I am thankful that as my circumstance may change from day to day that my contentment can remain.  I can remain in Christ and in His way.  Following day to day.  Some of my days are so routine I wonder if they are really written by such a creative God, and doubt the impact of the mundane day that just flows along, but I fight against that with gratitude.  I am trying to be grateful for the "normal day".  I am trying to be grateful for the 52nd time I explain not to hit to the 3year old Ali that I parent. These kinds of days just kind of start and go, and end ,and don't make much of an imprint on my memory...until gratitude steps in.

When I look at these days with gratitude.  I see Jesus.  I am thankful for the slow pace of these days.  For the time, even the time I don't choose to use well.  I am thankful for steady sureness of what will happen.  I am thankful for the routine.  I am tempted to think that these days, normal- mundane, don't count in the grand scheme.  I am tempted to compare, or covet a different day....maybe on filled with a real important task, or maybe one filled with lots of busy going and coming, or  maybe one filled with accolades, or maybe one filled with something I am just great at- but that isn't today.

But because of His grace I can trust this day is filled with important work, and is busy with what matters, and is pleasing to my Heavenly Father, and is filled with what He has equipped me for!  I am trying to learn to be content in today because I am content in Him- the One who wrote this day.  He didn't die to give me life so I could spend it wishing it away for someone elses.   He died to give me life to spend it....and spend all of it ,even on the normal days, to lie down spent for Him.

so today I am grateful for slow, normal days.....today started with curious george and snuggling with Noah, a sweet phone call with a friend on the other side of the world, a language lesson with an exasperated 8 year old, and time to write this....it will most likely end with blueberry pancakes and movie.  Nothing spectacular  noting grand, nothing wild, nothing adventurous ...but its today and I am content with it and blessed by the Author of it!!  Enjoy today with gratitude!!! I am in the middle of this lesson :)