Today nothing got done....

  Not one load of laundry.  Not one room straightened.  No dinner cooked.  Nothing got done. We did just what "school" we had to do today.  What did get done.....morning snuggles, Bible study with my girls, great phone calls with friends, mario kart, naps, happy meals, tv time snuggling in mom's bed and lots of laughing.  So the rest will keep.....and in my book today will be titled "productive".

Dirt grows good things ....

Today we finished school early in anticipation of a beautiful day.  We had a quick bite and I turned out the little babies to enjoy the day.  Our back yard has been the set of many adventures, from a desert island, to a jungle, and even a castle complete with a princess to defend.  Today it was just a back yard.  I opened the windows in the house and started some of my "momma stuff", and I enjoyed hearing my kiddos laugh together.  As I went from room to room I could hear giggles, conversations, and of course some quippy taunting every now and again.  I noticed they came inside a few times for some odds and ends, just the norm you know....popcorn kernels, plastic cups, and water :). I wondered what they were doing, so I peeked, and they were planting their kernels in cups and packing it with dirt.  It started there and ended with dirt confetti- need I say more.  I heard them conspire to get as dirty as possible in the hopes of bubble bath in my big tub! It was just a nice day....not perfect....but nice.  They still fought, I still had to coax Hannah to read, I still had to "gently" encourage Noah to finish his lunch, and I will have to was a mound of dirt from them tonight(in my big tug of course), but all in all its a good day.  Dirt grows good things....today it grew precious memories and maybe corn- who knows :)

Wisdom

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who grants generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to Him" James 1:5

My husband and I are going through the book of James in our small group at church.  

The Lord has had me in James since September....yeah you read that right!  I am guess I am a slow learner :)!  The Ladies Bible study I attend (Wed 9am-11am at IBC in Shawnee come one come all) started James: Mercy Triumphs By Beth Moore in September.  My husband and I began teaching James in January, so I have James on my mind, heart, mouth, hands, I am all in it right now!

Okay back to this verse ....ask for wisdom.  Simple and yet how many times have I acted then prayed?  How many times have I worried, and worried some more, and tried to concoct a solution to something without once asking for His wisdom?  I need His wisdom and I can just ask.  God will give me His wisdom.  He won't say, well you really messed up two weeks ago so no- no wisdom for you today.  This is amazing.... every time this happens its amazing!!

  "Divine Intervention is never trivial or routine" Beth Moore

Every time God grants me wisdom its a big deal.  It means I am living in relationship with Him.  I love that He doesn't just give it....we have to ask!  He could just give me anything, make anything happen, He controls all, and yet He desires to hear from me.  SO COOL...again Beth says it better:

"The King of the universe wants a real, live relationship with us.  He's not interested in just being a mind reader.  He's not even interested in just being a provider   He's both of those things, but the role He relishes most in is Father. He wants us-frail mortal creatures- to connect with Him and communicate with Him as the dearest relationship in human existence.  He rejoices to hear our voices.  He delights to be our sole and holy source for all things in life"  Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore

Anyway, today I gave something over to God that had been tempting my desire to control situations for weeks.  I relinquished it on the alter and asked only for His wisdom.  I had no conditions or false motives.  I just wanted His wisdom.  I knew He would grant it and I was sure in my asking (which is the next part of the passage and I think there is a blog there too)and there was no doubt in my heart that He is all sufficient and wise. What happened next was cool.

 Progress. 

 We moved an inch forward on a situation that had been stalled for weeks.  He imparted wisdom and peace and opportunity for us to move an inch- so we did. AMAZING! 

I heard from God today.  He gave me wisdom today.  He answered today. 

So my lesson.... 

relinquish...

ask...

and awe at God's wisdom!

Her Head on My Shoulder

Today, we sat down on our futon in our home school room to read. I was sandwiched by my two oldest children, and Noah was playing in and around the room.  We were all three, covered in a warm fuzzy blanket, hunkered in to hear the latest chapter in Grandma's Attic. As I read Hannah leaned her head over on my shoulder and rested it there.  

I read the words on the pages and we all enjoyed the chapter, and at the end we all continued with our morning.  The moment of still sweetness was over almost before it started, but all the same it was precious.  She is 8 and busy.  She is fun-loving, kind, energetic, and full of life. She is loving and affectionate just equally busy and running. She is growing and she needs me a little differently, no less, just different. We have long talks, often about nothing, and we laugh and play games. We spend lots of time learning stuff about friends, life, family, and God. She is growing....and growing....and changing.....sometimes too fast for mom....wait mom still wants to warm you a bottle and swaddle you up....and spend all night with you sleeping on my chest.  But the fact is that isn't what she needs now.  She needs me to sit and listen, to paint toes and fingers, to wipe tears, brush hair, help with outfits, remind her she is God's treasure, teach her to love God and others, have a lot of fun, and she needs me to  slow down and let her head rest on me a bit.  

Watching my daughter grow reminds me of life's journey.  From her start, to her as a toddler, to her as a child, to her now growing into a young lady, just reminds me the journey is beautiful. We all need love along this journey.  We need love to manifest as we grow, but all the same we need it.  God designed it this way ,and it's absolute beauty at its best. He knit her together in my womb and wrote the days of her life....what a blessing to watch them unfold.

Hope you find joy in watching your children today...and I hope it leaves you humbled by the Creator of Life....AMAZING!!

What Anguish Births

Today after our Bible study time our leader asked us to think about sharing a time in our lives when God had turned anguish to joy.  We are currently finishing up session 3 in "James: Mercy Triumphs" by Beth Moore.  The study today was really good in a super painful kind of way.  I realized that even in times where I can see God turn suffering/anguish to joy that I still remember the suffering.  She related it to childbirth and this really fits.  I have had three babies and all three labors were super filled up with pain and all resulted in precious life.  What is crazy is after the first time this happened.... I did it again....and then again....and would do it again if Sammy would :)! 

So here is my spiritual "birthing" story of sorts.
  I was super sick this time last year.  Like in the hospital a few times, confined to my bed, and attached to oxygen 24/7.  This period lasted about 8 weeks give or take.  I don't do sick well and don't do sit well....and I started to not to this time well.  Somewhere in the middle of all this "alone time" I figured out I wasn't alone.  I had lots of time to hear the thoughts in my head, lots of time to read the Word and then sit with it a while, and lots of time to wonder if there wasn't more to this relationship with Jesus thing.
 You see I am work at girl.  I mean if there is a work to be done for Jesus I will be signing up, showing up, and not leaving till its done.  I would make it as loud, elaborate, and exhausting as possible....all the while saying I would never sign up again- only to be the first one again on the list....and the first one burnt plum out.  I was white knuckle gripping Jesus as if He was going somewhere if I slowed or showed weariness.  Then all of a sudden here I was was.....exhausted, sick, contagious, isolated, confused, and unable to work for anything.
 What was I gonna do for Jesus in my bed?  I literally remember asking myself that and just crying at the thought that He was disappointed in my sickness.  This feeling sat with me a few days until I ended up back in the hospital.  I was struggling with breathing and I remember just crying out in my quiet room (scared the life out of my sleeping husband) "God I just need a human touch to show me You are really here".  The next thing I knew I felt two sweet hands on my back and sweet words being spoken to me.  This sweet nurse and respiratory therapist were literally the hands of Jesus that night....right there in my suffering He was!  I began to calm and breathe....and eventually went home. 

When I got home I decided that a Jesus who would touch my back when I cried out was not a Jesus who was disappointment in my lack of being able to "work" for Him.  I began to ask who He really was.  I began to use my time stuck in bed to be stuck in the Word and in prayer.  Truth about His identity and mine began to go deeper than head level and it was uncomfortably awesome.  I realized in the quiet physical sickness that my spirit was sick too....sick with lies.  Lies that I could earn grace, lies that He looked at me with disappointment, and lies that I could ever work hard enough.  I began to ask for spiritual healing and physical healing came along too. 
When I was able I went back to Bible study, only to find we were studying "Chains Falling" by Jamy Fisher.  This study, the second time over, helped me out of my identity crisis.....and into an awakening.  God birthed true heart knowledge of Him to me in my suffering.  He turned my physical distress into an example of His tender touch.  He turned my silent isolation into complete relationship with Him.  And when I was ready.....when I was patched up and nursed back by Him....He let me go back to life with a purpose of loving Him.  He gave me sisters I would have wasted before this suffering.  He gave me breath again....that I know consider precious! He gave me confidence in who He is and who I am in Him.  He even allows me to work a bit too......this time though He has the grip on me and I sit firmly in His hand.  The anguish was worth birth! 
Blessings,
Holly

Find out Where God is Working and Join Him

I had a garage sale last weekend.  Let me just start by saying I loathe them....garage sales.  We decided to sell some furniture we had replaced to offset some of the cost of replacing it. So I can honestly say financially speaking this was the worst garage sale ever, but spiritually speaking it was the BEST!!

I was sitting in my lawn chair on the most beautiful Saturday morning- coffee in hand and cute hubby close by.  He was talking away when all at once I begin to involuntarily ease drop on a conversation between two of my customers.  On a side note, Sammy would at this point argue my eavesdropping is anything but involuntary and would call it nosiness.  Anyway, the lady is saying that she wished I had more kids tennis shoes for sale because she has kids in her gym classes that need them.  I at once apologized for my ease dropping, but asked her to tell me more.  She explained that she taught elementary PE for a local school that was in an impoverished area.  She told me that kids had a hard time having one pair of shoes that fit, let alone a pair of gym shoes to be worn during PE.  Before I even knew what was coming out of my mouth I am taking down her number and reassuring her that I know of people that can  help.  I told her a bit about the Shawnee Rescue Mission and all they do for the area and how I am sure they have kids shoes.  So we said our goodbyes and she left.

I was tempted at this point to freak out.  She needed several pairs of shoes and I honestly had not been to the mission in some time to see what they had, but instead of freaking I just prayed over it during that day and the next.  That next day I was texting back and forth with a dear friend who was finishing up the back to school drive for SRM, and I happened to mention the teacher who needed shoes.  The text she sent in response nearly brought me to tears.  The Shawnee Rescue Mission had received just a few days prior a donation of 96 pairs of new tennis shoes.  They had the shoes, I had the feet, and God had the plan. 

So today Noey and I headed for SRM and loaded up the van with shoes, school supplies, and candy too!  We headed out to the school and even got to meet some of the precious kiddos that needed shoes.  The teacher and kiddos were overjoyed and thankful.  I got back in my car and just praised God for His provision.  His plan is so much bigger than me and I am so so thankful for that.  I praised Him for working in and thru the mission.  I know SRM and their heart for children in our community.  I could speak up in confidence to this teacher and say "we can help".  I knew that the mission would load me up; and I knew God would provide shoes and so much more for His precious children.  I learned a long time ago that you "find out where God is working and join Him", and He is working at SRM.  I am so glad I got to join with Him there today! 

Blessings All!
Holly E.

Home sick

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ

Philippians 3:20

This is a familiar verse to many and to me, but I have to admit until the last few weeks I haven't really spent a lot of time really thinking about it. Over that past several weeks I have been praying for a eternal perspective and for that perspective to shape every part of my practical life.  For example, to mother as if mothering point my children to Christ, to love my husband as if loving him to spur him on in his pursuit of Christ etc. 

so like I said I have been really praying to understand longing for heaven.  Praying to want to be with Jesus and wanting eternally important things and relationships....and then a really cool thing happened. 

I woke up a couple of mornings ago with a strange feeling.  I couldn't really shake this feeling and I just felt kinda in a funk.  I loaded up my kids to start the mile journey to my daughters school and a song came on the radio that brought me to tears.  It was Stephen Curtis Chapman's "Long Way Home".

Long Way Home

I was homesick.  What was really cool was I just really felt this way because I wanted to be with Him.  I wasn't particularly burdened that day- just wanted to be home.  It was nice!  Just like the song says....I am just a pilgrim passing thru here taking the long way home- and on my way I hope to encourage and add to the number of pilgrims.  My heart was thankful because He is faithful to answer prayer and to grow us deeper into Himself!  Not sure where He will take me from here.....but it has to be good!  A perspective set on eternity will never disappoint!!! 

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:16-18