Today after our Bible study time our leader asked us to think about sharing a time in our lives when God had turned anguish to joy. We are currently finishing up session 3 in "James: Mercy Triumphs" by Beth Moore. The study today was really good in a super painful kind of way. I realized that even in times where I can see God turn suffering/anguish to joy that I still remember the suffering. She related it to childbirth and this really fits. I have had three babies and all three labors were super filled up with pain and all resulted in precious life. What is crazy is after the first time this happened.... I did it again....and then again....and would do it again if Sammy would :)!
So here is my spiritual "birthing" story of sorts.
I was super sick this time last year. Like in the hospital a few times, confined to my bed, and attached to oxygen 24/7. This period lasted about 8 weeks give or take. I don't do sick well and don't do sit well....and I started to not to this time well. Somewhere in the middle of all this "alone time" I figured out I wasn't alone. I had lots of time to hear the thoughts in my head, lots of time to read the Word and then sit with it a while, and lots of time to wonder if there wasn't more to this relationship with Jesus thing.
You see I am work at girl. I mean if there is a work to be done for Jesus I will be signing up, showing up, and not leaving till its done. I would make it as loud, elaborate, and exhausting as possible....all the while saying I would never sign up again- only to be the first one again on the list....and the first one burnt plum out. I was white knuckle gripping Jesus as if He was going somewhere if I slowed or showed weariness. Then all of a sudden here I was was.....exhausted, sick, contagious, isolated, confused, and unable to work for anything.
What was I gonna do for Jesus in my bed? I literally remember asking myself that and just crying at the thought that He was disappointed in my sickness. This feeling sat with me a few days until I ended up back in the hospital. I was struggling with breathing and I remember just crying out in my quiet room (scared the life out of my sleeping husband) "God I just need a human touch to show me You are really here". The next thing I knew I felt two sweet hands on my back and sweet words being spoken to me. This sweet nurse and respiratory therapist were literally the hands of Jesus that night....right there in my suffering He was! I began to calm and breathe....and eventually went home.
When I got home I decided that a Jesus who would touch my back when I cried out was not a Jesus who was disappointment in my lack of being able to "work" for Him. I began to ask who He really was. I began to use my time stuck in bed to be stuck in the Word and in prayer. Truth about His identity and mine began to go deeper than head level and it was uncomfortably awesome. I realized in the quiet physical sickness that my spirit was sick too....sick with lies. Lies that I could earn grace, lies that He looked at me with disappointment, and lies that I could ever work hard enough. I began to ask for spiritual healing and physical healing came along too.
When I was able I went back to Bible study, only to find we were studying "Chains Falling" by Jamy Fisher. This study, the second time over, helped me out of my identity crisis.....and into an awakening. God birthed true heart knowledge of Him to me in my suffering. He turned my physical distress into an example of His tender touch. He turned my silent isolation into complete relationship with Him. And when I was ready.....when I was patched up and nursed back by Him....He let me go back to life with a purpose of loving Him. He gave me sisters I would have wasted before this suffering. He gave me breath again....that I know consider precious! He gave me confidence in who He is and who I am in Him. He even allows me to work a bit too......this time though He has the grip on me and I sit firmly in His hand. The anguish was worth birth!
Blessings,
Holly
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Find out Where God is Working and Join Him
I had a garage sale last weekend. Let me just start by saying I loathe them....garage sales. We decided to sell some furniture we had replaced to offset some of the cost of replacing it. So I can honestly say financially speaking this was the worst garage sale ever, but spiritually speaking it was the BEST!!
I was sitting in my lawn chair on the most beautiful Saturday morning- coffee in hand and cute hubby close by. He was talking away when all at once I begin to involuntarily ease drop on a conversation between two of my customers. On a side note, Sammy would at this point argue my eavesdropping is anything but involuntary and would call it nosiness. Anyway, the lady is saying that she wished I had more kids tennis shoes for sale because she has kids in her gym classes that need them. I at once apologized for my ease dropping, but asked her to tell me more. She explained that she taught elementary PE for a local school that was in an impoverished area. She told me that kids had a hard time having one pair of shoes that fit, let alone a pair of gym shoes to be worn during PE. Before I even knew what was coming out of my mouth I am taking down her number and reassuring her that I know of people that can help. I told her a bit about the Shawnee Rescue Mission and all they do for the area and how I am sure they have kids shoes. So we said our goodbyes and she left.
I was tempted at this point to freak out. She needed several pairs of shoes and I honestly had not been to the mission in some time to see what they had, but instead of freaking I just prayed over it during that day and the next. That next day I was texting back and forth with a dear friend who was finishing up the back to school drive for SRM, and I happened to mention the teacher who needed shoes. The text she sent in response nearly brought me to tears. The Shawnee Rescue Mission had received just a few days prior a donation of 96 pairs of new tennis shoes. They had the shoes, I had the feet, and God had the plan.
So today Noey and I headed for SRM and loaded up the van with shoes, school supplies, and candy too! We headed out to the school and even got to meet some of the precious kiddos that needed shoes. The teacher and kiddos were overjoyed and thankful. I got back in my car and just praised God for His provision. His plan is so much bigger than me and I am so so thankful for that. I praised Him for working in and thru the mission. I know SRM and their heart for children in our community. I could speak up in confidence to this teacher and say "we can help". I knew that the mission would load me up; and I knew God would provide shoes and so much more for His precious children. I learned a long time ago that you "find out where God is working and join Him", and He is working at SRM. I am so glad I got to join with Him there today!
Blessings All!
Holly E.
I was sitting in my lawn chair on the most beautiful Saturday morning- coffee in hand and cute hubby close by. He was talking away when all at once I begin to involuntarily ease drop on a conversation between two of my customers. On a side note, Sammy would at this point argue my eavesdropping is anything but involuntary and would call it nosiness. Anyway, the lady is saying that she wished I had more kids tennis shoes for sale because she has kids in her gym classes that need them. I at once apologized for my ease dropping, but asked her to tell me more. She explained that she taught elementary PE for a local school that was in an impoverished area. She told me that kids had a hard time having one pair of shoes that fit, let alone a pair of gym shoes to be worn during PE. Before I even knew what was coming out of my mouth I am taking down her number and reassuring her that I know of people that can help. I told her a bit about the Shawnee Rescue Mission and all they do for the area and how I am sure they have kids shoes. So we said our goodbyes and she left.
I was tempted at this point to freak out. She needed several pairs of shoes and I honestly had not been to the mission in some time to see what they had, but instead of freaking I just prayed over it during that day and the next. That next day I was texting back and forth with a dear friend who was finishing up the back to school drive for SRM, and I happened to mention the teacher who needed shoes. The text she sent in response nearly brought me to tears. The Shawnee Rescue Mission had received just a few days prior a donation of 96 pairs of new tennis shoes. They had the shoes, I had the feet, and God had the plan.
So today Noey and I headed for SRM and loaded up the van with shoes, school supplies, and candy too! We headed out to the school and even got to meet some of the precious kiddos that needed shoes. The teacher and kiddos were overjoyed and thankful. I got back in my car and just praised God for His provision. His plan is so much bigger than me and I am so so thankful for that. I praised Him for working in and thru the mission. I know SRM and their heart for children in our community. I could speak up in confidence to this teacher and say "we can help". I knew that the mission would load me up; and I knew God would provide shoes and so much more for His precious children. I learned a long time ago that you "find out where God is working and join Him", and He is working at SRM. I am so glad I got to join with Him there today!
Blessings All!
Holly E.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Home sick
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the
Lord Jesus Christ
Philippians 3:20
This is a familiar verse to many and to me, but I have to admit until the last few weeks I haven't really spent a lot of time really thinking about it. Over that past several weeks I have been praying for a eternal perspective and for that perspective to shape every part of my practical life. For example, to mother as if mothering point my children to Christ, to love my husband as if loving him to spur him on in his pursuit of Christ etc.
so like I said I have been really praying to understand longing for heaven. Praying to want to be with Jesus and wanting eternally important things and relationships....and then a really cool thing happened.
I woke up a couple of mornings ago with a strange feeling. I couldn't really shake this feeling and I just felt kinda in a funk. I loaded up my kids to start the mile journey to my daughters school and a song came on the radio that brought me to tears. It was Stephen Curtis Chapman's "Long Way Home".
I was homesick. What was really cool was I just really felt this way because I wanted to be with Him. I wasn't particularly burdened that day- just wanted to be home. It was nice! Just like the song says....I am just a pilgrim passing thru here taking the long way home- and on my way I hope to encourage and add to the number of pilgrims. My heart was thankful because He is faithful to answer prayer and to grow us deeper into Himself! Not sure where He will take me from here.....but it has to be good! A perspective set on eternity will never disappoint!!!
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Telling the Whole Truth
"If you love me, obey my commandments" John 14:15
This has been the verse used in our home a lot this past few weeks. My husband and I have both felt like we are fighting, and sometimes losing, character battles with our two big kids as of late. Most of this is a result of unnecessary business that has resulted in not enough time for just playing, laughing, and having quality time to impress character on our children. So we have been having a lot of obedience talks about the same offenses, a lot of time outs for the same bad choices, and a lot of fake "I'm sorrys" from our kids!
On Saturday morning while I was reading in Isaiah (the first part of the book) it dawned on me that we often talk with our kids about how Jesus loves them. We are always quick to remind and point them to who they are in Him....precious, beloved, chosen, and bought with a high price. And while this is all very true we hardly ever spend much time at all talking about sin. We spend even less time explaining that their "bad choices" are in fact sin, and that these "choices" can serve to separate us from God. An analogy that we have used is that sin is like a brick that stacks and stacks in your heart until there is a wall between you and God. The part I am not sure we ever explained is that God hates that wall. Its not the view He desires for us or delights in. I realized that we had presented sin as a "bad choice" as if a better choice was preferred. When in actuality the "bad choice" is evil in the eyes of the Lord. Sin is detestable to God and He doesn't weigh some sin as worse than other sin. In his eyes its all sin and all heartbreaking.
"Blesses our those who mourn for they shall be comforted" Matt 5:4
These are Jesus' own words in respect to our sin. My heart should mourn and grieve over my sin. It should sadden me and afflict me. Out of the recognition and hurt over my sin also flows my awareness of my need for Him. I need Jesus. I am unable to know God without Him. The "high price" I am redeemed with was Jesus' very life. God is the perfect balance of justice and love. He never glossed over my sin, but instead He tells me the truth of justice and points me always back to His sacrifice of love for me.
Corinthians 15:57 But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ
Perfectly truthful. I am a sinner who participates in evil often- this is true. Left to myself I am an enemy of God unable to love Him and unable to feel His love- this is true. But He made a way through the brick wall of evil I built. He provided His Holy, spotless, blameless, perfect son as a living sacrifice to pay my debt of sin and buy me back from the clutches of sin. He made a way for me to return to Him redeemed...where I belong...where we all belong. AMAZING!!
Without calling sin evil we can't fully comprehend God's holiness. We all, my children included, when asked would say they love God, but would it be as easy to say that we also hate what God hates? Sin: lying, gossip, envy, idolatry, selfishness, pride....
.16 There are six things the Lord hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
17 haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
18 a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
19 a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community
seven that are detestable to him:
17 haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
18 a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
19 a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community
Proverbs 6:16-19
So the Lord comforted my heart to love my children enough to tell them the Truth and trust the Holy Spirit to do the rest. I prayed over my children that day that I would have the courage to tell them of their need for Jesus. That without Him they have no power over sin that will make them a slave. I prayed their hearts would mourn and break over their sin to cause repentance, which turns them from sin. And I will keep telling them that they our chosen and precious and loved with His everlasting perfect love. I prayed this over myself too. I want to share, and tell, and know the WHOLE truth not just the parts that make me comfortable.
Practically speaking I got up from that chair committed to sharing the whole Truth and person of Jesus. Knowing and believing He will do the rest of the work in their little hearts and behavior (which is the focus of my usual parenting efforts) will be a symptom of a greater joy- their acknowledgement of their absolute need for Him.
bye till next time :)
Friday, April 27, 2012
Truths colliding
I may be dating myself a bit with this but here we go anyway! Do you guys remember the "No Fear" clothing stuff that WAS really popular long ago...like my middle school days. It came to mind this morning after a week of learning sort of collided and reminded me I should have "no fear". In my ladies Bible study this week we studied Colossions 3 about holy living and putting on our newness in Christ. Then my accountability partner and I are memorizing 2 Corinthians 4:13-18, which is about believing and speaking truth even in troubled times, and believing Jesus is renewing us (clothing us inside out) with good things. So we should fix our eyes on Him and eternity. Then (keep following it might come together soon) our "day starter" today with the kiddos was to work on memorizing Pslam 27:1 "The Lord is the light of my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?' The collision of what I have been hearing this week from Jesus happened this morning in a beautiful way. I realized that am confused about my "clothes" in Christ. In Colossians when Paul is talking about our clothing it is the outside result of truly knowing Jesus! It is a mindset, "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God" vs 2-3. This mindset opens the door to a closet full of all of the garments I am made to wear....compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and love. I can't put them on myself and when God puts them on me I can't take them off...they are me.
Now flip to the 2 Corinthians 4:13-18 passage. How and why do I speak... because I am a believer. I have to believe first and because I do I can't help it but to share and speak of God and His goodness. How am I able to do this life? Go to verse 14: "because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus....". Because of who He is and what He did and not because of who I am or what I can do. Does anybody else want to sigh "thank goodness" right now...I can't mess this up....He has completed this! So why do we put on new clothes, why do we tell others, why do we die to self and live for Jesus even in the midst of trouble....."All this is for your benefit , so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." verse 15. For Him...when people know of His grace the know of love, and we are thankful for that love and it overflows in such of way that He is glorified. So cool!!! If you are a "question and answer " person you are smiling now!!!
Paul sums it up by encouraging us that our inside is changing and God will make the outside match (He will dress us like Col 3) and in order to do that our outside flesh will waste away whether thru trial, trouble, or purification....all the same its supposed to go. He reminds us again to fix our eyes on Jesus and live above trouble (he doesn't promise we won't have it) because the reward is greater.
This is one of those passages that is like kerosene on a fire....leaves me fired up, but living it out is hard. I think we are equipped and designed for life to look like this. This morning He showed me with Psalm 27:1 that I have no reason not to live this way. I have nothing to fear. I believe Him and I believe His word and as I read over and over Psalm 27:1 I was reminded that the Lord again, the Lord Himself, has overcome this world and given me His strength to cling to.
As my big kiddos and I (Noah was more interested in Fresh beat band) said the verse again and again and again all put to motions in our living room....an amazing collision of TRUTH came over my life from these three passages. So here it is : I believe so I boldly speak and share because He who is in me is faithful. He is changing my inside and changing my outside to match Him....and I don't have to be afraid because the Lord of my Salvation never fails. (Insert YAY and happy dance)
I am not sure what my kids learned, but this momma is exhaling a big ole sigh of "Thank You Jesus." This was a collision of TRUTH....and I am bringing back the "no fear" gear :) and putting in on today!!!
Now flip to the 2 Corinthians 4:13-18 passage. How and why do I speak... because I am a believer. I have to believe first and because I do I can't help it but to share and speak of God and His goodness. How am I able to do this life? Go to verse 14: "because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus....". Because of who He is and what He did and not because of who I am or what I can do. Does anybody else want to sigh "thank goodness" right now...I can't mess this up....He has completed this! So why do we put on new clothes, why do we tell others, why do we die to self and live for Jesus even in the midst of trouble....."All this is for your benefit , so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." verse 15. For Him...when people know of His grace the know of love, and we are thankful for that love and it overflows in such of way that He is glorified. So cool!!! If you are a "question and answer " person you are smiling now!!!
Paul sums it up by encouraging us that our inside is changing and God will make the outside match (He will dress us like Col 3) and in order to do that our outside flesh will waste away whether thru trial, trouble, or purification....all the same its supposed to go. He reminds us again to fix our eyes on Jesus and live above trouble (he doesn't promise we won't have it) because the reward is greater.
This is one of those passages that is like kerosene on a fire....leaves me fired up, but living it out is hard. I think we are equipped and designed for life to look like this. This morning He showed me with Psalm 27:1 that I have no reason not to live this way. I have nothing to fear. I believe Him and I believe His word and as I read over and over Psalm 27:1 I was reminded that the Lord again, the Lord Himself, has overcome this world and given me His strength to cling to.
As my big kiddos and I (Noah was more interested in Fresh beat band) said the verse again and again and again all put to motions in our living room....an amazing collision of TRUTH came over my life from these three passages. So here it is : I believe so I boldly speak and share because He who is in me is faithful. He is changing my inside and changing my outside to match Him....and I don't have to be afraid because the Lord of my Salvation never fails. (Insert YAY and happy dance)
I am not sure what my kids learned, but this momma is exhaling a big ole sigh of "Thank You Jesus." This was a collision of TRUTH....and I am bringing back the "no fear" gear :) and putting in on today!!!
Friday, April 20, 2012
"Day Starters"
I am blogging about this for one reason...accountability. We have started doing "day starters" in our home. The kids and I are using a pretty simple Veggie Tale Devotional book and taking about 5 to 10 minutes before school to spend some time talking about Jesus. Our life with three kiddos sometimes keeps up going from here to there and everywhere without much thought of the the in between. So please ask me about these important touch points when you see me. It will help me stay accountable and keep us encouraged to live out the Word.
" Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got! Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates." Deuteronomy 5:5-9
In addition to accountability I am hoping we can encourage one another by sharing ideas and such. Its so important to train our children in the way they should go. We have only had three "day starters" so far this week but all have been fun. At most we have taken 10 minutes and its been really doable. My kiddos even made a little play to act out for Sammy over our first verse Luke 3:11. Before beginning this endeavour I prayed for simplicity. And the Lord was so good to show the very simple nature of discipleship. I often make it very complicated and elaborate. I have fancy crafts, catchy songs, and themed snacks! The "teaching moment" (which I completely created) is over and my kids are left sitting in glue, glitter, gorged, and confused; and I am tired. So this time instead its simple. I prayed for an obedient heart, bought a book that was already written, and decided mornings while they eat would be a great time. I read what is written and then I am quiet. I have let them talk even if it means we chase a few rabbits! I know He will reward our faithfulness with seeds that stick!
So give me tips, ideas, etc that you do with your kiddos. The goal I have in mind is just to always keep Jesus central in our lives. Thanks for checking in and more to come soon!!
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