A Thank You

Today I was in charge, I use the term loosely, of nine kiddos.  I had my three and one of my closet friends six.  You read that right- they have six beautiful blessings from God.  I do life with some amazing moms. I mean like the best of the best, and this lady in their ranks for sure.  I wanted to write a little "thank you" to her for today.
Kim,

You see I learned a lot today.  Sis, I learned you are a busy lady.  I mean busy.  Between homeschool, snacks, wiping bottoms, wiping noses, listening to sweet stories, and feeding people- I am exhausted.  And I must make a confession- I had help with lunch!!  My sweet discipleship girl was here at noon and we tackled the nine lunches together.  Sister, I didn't do one load of laundry, my sink is packed with dishes, and its 5:07pm and I just showered for the day.  How do you do it all?  That isn't my only question...how do you do it with grace, organization, and a sense of humor?

I also want you to know that your babies are sweet.  I can see and hear your intentional parenting in how they talk and treat one another.  No, nothing was perfect about today....but it was beautiful.  I realized how thankful I am to walk so closely with you.  At some point the distinction between your kids and my kids went away and we were just all of us!  We laughed, cried, danced, joked, and rested!!  And girl I am tired!  I don't say this to say your kids are hard....on the contrary I tell you this to say your kids are a blessing and your job is busy.  I am wondering how often you hear" good job"?

I have been at this mom thang long enough to know that we don't do it for the accolades :), but thank you!  Thank you for trusting God when He said "I am placing kiddos orphaned by pitfalls of life in your family" for you to love and raise.  Thank you for loving your babies more than you love "your me time"!  Thank you for disciplining your kiddos and pointing them to Jesus!!  Thank you for the endless amounts of laundry and dishes you some how manage to do.  Thanks for finding time to be a great friend to me(seriously how do you do that)!  Thanks for taking regular showers....seriously I find that to be impressive!!  And thanks for sharing your big, beautiful, God sculpted family with us!!  This verse comes to mind for you sis....

"She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Her children rise up and call her blessed...." Proverbs 31:27-28

In loving thankfulness,
Holly

So ladies share the love with a mom who is in the trenches and rockin it!!  Let her know she is awesome!!  Let her know laundry piles, dirty dishes, dirty hair, and completed pinterest crafts are not where her worth is....the truth is she is  worth more than rubies!!

A Letter to a Friend....

I have a friend an ocean away, yet still very close. This letter is for her and is a paraphrase of 2 Corinthians chapter 4.  It contains the first passage of Scripture we ever memorized together, and the Lord took me here tonight! I miss you dear sister and this is my letter to you....

Sister,
God's mercy has given you a ministry. This ministry looks foolish to the world, but their eyes are veiled. You are a light bearer in the darkness. You have a treasure you hold in your clay jar of a life. This jar looks normal, ordinary, and of everyday use, but in it is the treasure of the Gospel. This jar is special because He chose it.

This jar is dropped, it's pressured, it's chipped, it's used, it's been glued up, put back together, and held together from the inside out.  The treasure inside prevents this jar life from ever being useless.  This jar has Kingdom purpose. This jar knows the treasure it holds only by the suffering it has endured to keep it safe.

This treasure burns like holy fire in the jar, exposing cracks and imperfections, but also purifying and strengthening from the inside! The treasure fills all the cracks of life the jar has earned and eventually no room inside the jar is left.  The treasure of the Gospel spills over the rim of this life and is poured out. The life jar pours out word soaked action for the good of those who are close enough to catch the splatter!

This beaten and bruised jar is firm and sure of its place- as  life as a treasure bearer. This life is wasting away on the outside, but inside the light of the treasure it hold reveals newness. The treasure illuminates the fleeting suffering by showing the guarantee of eternal glory.

So the jar continues to pour out and the life continues to proclaim the treasure with eyes fixed on the unseen yet all to real promise of eternity....then the temporary becomes the journey to that place....and it becomes worth it all!

I love you dear sister. You are the chosen jar/life continue to pour and partake of suffering and life.  You are a treasure bearer and a light shiner!!

Love,
Holly

Less of me....more of Him

Today wasn't my best mom day.

I was hurried and less than kind

I was focused on my list and what had to be done

I was short tempered and unavailable in the present moment

I never yelled or handed out unfair punishment

but I had done enough that my little people could see mom was struggling

I got home after a day of errands

I stood in a kitchen of grocery sacks

With dishes piled high and mail to sort through

With piles of laundry tempting me to move past this one moment

but

He was greater than me

He should have been that way all day

One kiddo was at football practice and the other two escaped to soak up the fall day in our backyard

I stood there and took it in

Not the mess not the exhaustion not laundry

The Flesh

The flesh of me

Me that puts me first

me that isn't slow to anger or long suffering

or kind or forgiving of wrongs

Too much me today

Then right there His grace floods in

I am reminded He humbled himself and served

He traded nobility to be a man

to live holy and die

and face God's wrath for me

For me in the grocery store

for me when I am insensitive to a friend

for me when I am apathetic

for me when there is too much of me

"He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less". John 3:30

Everyday more of Him and less of me

Everyday I want to grow in Him

"But grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ..." 2 Peter 3:18

I will in my flesh fail but He never fails

"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another helper, who will stay with you forever" John 14:16

He has never left me 

He is with me

His grace covers today and tomorrow 

His Spirit gives me power over my flesh

I will be in step with you in the store

during homeschool

with Sammy

with friends

with church

with a lost world

Be my words and hands and my feet

because on my own I will fail

I will walk with you, Lord

Even with a to-do list

Especially since I am entrusted little people

in-spite of a schedule

because I need you

"But I say ,walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh" Gal 5:16

thank you Lord that your grace covers me up 

and that little ones forgive and cuddle

and that your Spirit is relentless to teach and love

Thank You!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is coming up this Sunday and I wanted to talk a little bit about moms and mothering.  First, I want to say Happy Mother's Day to my mom.  I have grown a lot in terms of respect and love for my mom over the last four years-or so.  As I am faced with "mom situations" of my own, words she once said ring in my ears.  I appreciate her experience and wisdom in situations that only comes with age.  I also want to say I love a lot of characteristics about my mom.  She is silly, loyal to her kids, loves her grand-babies  has a good work ethic, she is passionate, blunt, funny, and a sensitive soul.  My mom and I are night and day different ,and I think we have maybe finally figured out how to love each other the way we are.  God made us uniquely different and yet put us together as mother and daughter! Thanks for loving me as a colicky infant, thanks for indulging my toddler imagination by acknowledging "Benny" my imaginary friend, thanks for kissing my boo boos, thanks for wiping my tears when kiddos were mean, thanks for loving me when I was a bratty 16,17, and 18 year old, thanks for encouraging me to go to college, thanks for being as excited as me about the wedding, thanks for crying tears of joy when we announced "Baby coming soon", thanks for sticking with me through tough spots, thanks for just being my mom!!  So Happy Mother's Day to you mom.  You helped raise and shape me. We have yelled, fought, laughed, cried, complained, forgiven and had a whole lotta fun too- !! I honor you momma!!

Second, I would like to  thank my Mother in law, but for all intents and purposes she is my Mom too!!  Thank you!  First, for having such a wonderful and handsome son.  I appreciate the way you raised your boys (girls too) to love and honor their parents.  I am thankful for your son and how He treats me and our children- I know that comes from you and Sam- and Jesus!!  I love how you have loved and welcomed me as your daughter.  I have truly learned so much about family by being a part of your family!!  I love you and honor you as my mom!!  Happy Mother's Day!!

Third, to all the "moms" in my life.  I have all kinds great examples of motherhood in my life my mom, mother-in-law, step-mom, sisters, and friends.  Ladies who love their babies and aren't afraid to wake up everyday and answer the call to motherhood. I have friends who spend quality time on their knees praying in God's stuff for their babies.  I walk daily with some mommas who take seriously the task of pointing their little ones to Christ.  These ladies never fake it either- they call a bad day - a bad day, and they believe the new mercies of the morning will be sufficient for the next.  These ladies text, call, or just show up to lend a hand or encourage- and I feel their prayers over me all the time.  These ladies are raising the next generation of Followers. Some live right here next to me and some far away.  They are discipling  on the couch, in the sandbox, in the mini-van, at the dinner table, and everywhere in between.  They don't get a lot of applause or accolade, mostly just wet kisses that taste of Cheetos and apple juice.  They have answered His call and they hold their precious babies opened handed as gifts they are entrusted with.  They use their time to pour out the love Jesus has poured into them- then one day they turn loose and watch as those babies pour!  So to all of you mommas I am so blessed to life with- I say thank you!  You are seen, you are appreciated  and you are raising up some fine followers- as you yourself follow!!

I end with this "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and , I am persuaded, now lives in you also."2Timothy 1:5

Lord, let our faith persuade our babies to have a sincere faith of their own that is noticeable for Your glory! 

Happy Mother's Day!!

Be Awake

I feel awake today.  Sometimes I feel like I go through an entire day of routine without being awake. I can snuggle babies, make breakfast, kiss boo boos, iron clothes, do laundry, clean dishes, play wii, play a board game, read a book...all without really even being "awake" or plugged in.  To some this would be seen as a good thing, but in my eyes its dangerous.  I can get in a fog sometimes in life.  I function and I get done what has to be done, but I can't squeeze much joy out of that.  Sometimes the fogs are the result of stress or business   Sometimes its a trial that I am going through and I allow it to suck all of my energy.  Sometimes it is because I am weary- just plain tired.  Sometimes I am foggy out of selfishness.

Today I am awake.  Wide awake.  I have seen every detail of the day clearly.  I noticed when my eyes popped open my head was congested more than normal   I heard the voice of my husband as he urged me to take some cold medicine and to rest more than normal.  I let his words soak in and the look in his eyes and his hand on my shoulder said "i love you- go slow- rest"!  When one of my little guys jumped in my bed, I saw how his eyes closed when his head hit my shoulder.  When I was at Walmart talking with the cashier, I saw her posture change when I asked how she was and about her boys.  She smiled when talked of how they fight always, but missed each other when they were apart.  I saw a tear well in a friend's eye as she spoke through her grief, I also saw her relaxed smile when she talked of the sun soaked walk she had today.  I felt in the pit of my stomach the need to be with my Bible study girls tomorrow- so I canceled my eye appointment.  I see the wind blowing my daughters hair, as she plays, revealing a sweet face somewhere in between little girl and young lady.  I smell the clean laundry today as I change it.  

I am awake.  My mind is awake and alert.  I am hearing the rustling of the pages of my Bible.  I love that sound.  I am humble and awake.  Words read a million times soak in today to new places.  And my appreciation for my Living Savior is great and awake!     

I am humble in God's hand and He has lifted me up.  I am not anxiously foggy-going from one thing to the next.  I am awakened to Him caring enough to prepare this day.  (1Peter 5:6-7)

"Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1Peter 5:8

I am alert, awake, controlled by self- which is controlled by Him.  The enemy can steal days upon days from us when we "sleep" through them.  The joy can be all but sucked out of a day-leaving it hard to recall and without memory.  God is so good to awaken us.  He can use love, tragedy, a song, a verse, a friend, a husband, or His Spirit.  

So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober

1Thess 5:6

I am going upstream today- awake...in a world that says do two, even three things at once. It says you are only as good as the items checked off your "to do "list.  It says success =business.  It says simple is unimportant. It says go through the motions. 

 I choose every moment, I choose one thing then the next, I choose to squeeze joy from today, and I choose awake!  

Satisfied in the Morning...

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.....May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us-yes, establish the work of our hands." Psalm 90:14&17

These verses came to mind this morning.  I was buried deep in covers and surrounded by the the hum of my three babies sleeping.  Finally, the fell asleep around 2 am after some loud storms.  The light was sneaking in from behind the curtains which was a comforting change from the lightening that lit up the room during the night.  I laid there thankful for the morning.  The night had been long, loud, wet, and windy- it was storm.  

I was tired.  My babies usually sleep so I usually sleep, but I was awake for this storm.  My babies were awake and needed snuggling.  They needed to hear it was going to be ok.  They needed to know I was awake and I was there.  As things quieted down they relaxed, they were soothed, they trusted the storm would end...and they fell asleep.  As they awoke they smiled and walked into the day stretching out before them.  

As I read over these verses I thanked God for the storm.  Both the actual storm and the storms of life.  The storm last night was loud, scary, windy, but it also brought much needed rain.  It also ushered in the morning.  I was so happy to see the morning.  

Storms of life are like this too!!  They are loud, scary, dare to blow us over, and long....but they usher in the morning.  During the storm we are scared, awake, nervous, still, and waiting.  It is there in those storms, I have been comforted by my Jesus.  He has held my hand, snuggled me up, told me it would be for my good. He has calmed me, taken my burden and made it His, and He stays awake and with me until the storm passes!  He ushers in the morning!

So this morning I stumbled out of bed tired but thankful.  I began the day He laid out before me, with His favor resting on me,  and I was refreshed in Him by the work of my hands.  It wasn't epic or of monumental importance, but it was my work.  I stirred chocolate syrup into milk, explained rounding, helped mark vowels, switched laundry, cleaned toothpaste stained sinks, and rested.  It was my work for this day established by Him.  The storm had made me tired, but the morning was beautifully refreshing.  The storms do remind me of His unfailing love and the way He ushers in my day the morning after, and just moves me on...on to the work of living- living established by Him.  

This beautiful picture of Him in the storm left me satisfied this morning- and praising Him!

Keep Him Close

I had a very wise woman once tell me to write Scripture on note cards and put them all throughout your home.  I have some on the inside of most all my cabinets in my kitchen and laundry room.  I love these sweet nuggets of Truth sprinkled along my day.  I am always in the kitchen or laundry room so I read them often- I have some memorized!  On certain days I will frantically go to one of those rooms and pull open doors just to read the Truth on the other side.....like seriously frantically I am sure it would look quite comical to anyone watching.

Anyway, when I taped these up I just kind of stuck them up there.  No real order or thought behind it.  They were in a stack and so I just went all around in order to proximity and put them in place.  Thankfully, God is never ever random.  Every week it seems He has me opening the same cupboard over and over and when He is satisfied in that lesson, He has me in and out of a different cabinet over and over.  The week my husband had the flu...My verse was

 "Therefore as a prisoner of the Lord, I urge you to  live a life worthy of the calling you have received   Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love'  Eph 4:1 and 2.


 He knew I would need this to serve my husband, care for him, and be patient with my kiddos that week of being the only parent(Sammy was kept quarantined in our bedroom) .  It took humility  gentleness, and kindness to live the life He called me to that week.  I have several examples of how He has been good to use these verses, but I will just share one more that happened this morning.

I was standing in my kitchen getting ready for Bible study and honestly feeling a bit sad.  One of my dearest friends recently moved away and my heart misses her, but today I missed her even more, I always sat with her during Bible Study.  I also happened to be warming water to make some hot tea at the time, and this friend and I had shared endless cups of hot coffee/tea.  We would sit, laugh, pray, and sip together.  So my heart was a bit sad.  I began praying over this friend and asking for her day.  She has been going through so much with the change and she was on my heart.  So I prayed- and then the microwave timer "dinged" and I took out my hot water.  I walked to the cabinet that holds my coffee and tea and opened it....realizing just then that the verse in that cabinet is a verse He gave me for her a long time ago.  It is one of my faves and now I claim it as mine too...

"But blessed are those who trust in Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.  They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.  Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.  Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit" Jeremiah 17:7-8

There it was again....perfectly timed truth from God.  A nice reminder for her and I that He has us rooted in Him.  We are blessed, we are seen, we are loved, we are deep in Him, and we have no fear.  This is a new season of change for my friend.- but she will bear much fruit. This is  a season of the learning for me and I am rooted in Him....today I learn nothing is random.


 He is close and purposeful and I am thankful for that!!!  Hide His word in your hearts....and your cabinets :)

Keeping a Record of Wrongs....

Love keeps no record of wrongs.....this section of Chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians is really convicting me today.    This morning started really great and then about mid-morning we had some issues.  Somewhere in between Language Arts and Math we all decided to put on our old flesh.  Ethan decided he didn't want to read, Hannah decided to rush through her writing in hopes I wouldn't notice,and Noah decided to scream at everyone within earshot, and all went downhill from there.  All during this time I was checking on friends who were having surgery, sick family members, and canceling a trip to Omaha at the end of the week.  It was a whirlwind of details to be ironed out, worry to fall victim to, and the pressure of the looming deadlines of life today- so I was a bit stressed :)!  On a side note, my last post is somewhat ironic since this day isn't slow and mundane...oh how I love God's sense of humor.  Anyway, my mind was frazzled and distracted and I basically began making a big old mountain out of a few mole hills my kiddos had created.

I started ,what was arguably one of my best lectures to date, in true "mom with the never ending memory' fashion.  I laid out the case clearly, concisely  and complete with specific examples.  I had dates and details to contribute my case against my children.  As I went on and on about heart change= behavior change....and how we must stay connected to God because apart from Him we can't do this....I heard Him.  I could feel the Lord saying all these things to me.  I could feel Him lovingly tell me to be quiet and stop.  Instantly I was comforted with His words..."love keeps no record of wrongs".

He has no memory of my sins.  They are gone- dead- nailed to a cross.  When He sees me He sees Christ's righteousness transferred to me via the cross.  As far as the east is from the west is how far He has removed my mess ups.  He has no back-up, thumb drive, hard drive, archive, of my sin- its gone.  The way He loves me leaves no record for my sin.

Right there in this moment with my kiddos He was there.  So I stopped and looked into there glassy, teary, and confused little eyes and said "I am sorry".  And then I told them the good news ....I told them  the Gospel.  I told them Jesus loves us and keeps no list of our sins and that I would try to do better at loving them this way.  I said I sure didn't want them to keep a list of all my sins against them....and a humbling thing happened.  With little and confused faces they said they couldn't make a list because I was a good mommy.  I am not writing this to brag on me or my kids- quite the opposite   I write this from a humble heart.  I am humbled at how Jesus forgives totally all of my mess and your mess.  I am humbled with how children live this out day to day....they keep no record of wrongs.  I am humbled at how much I need this lesson.  You see after I had some time to think, and pray, I realized I was keeping their record of wrong...and other records of wrong for others and even myself.

Keeping records of wrong is dangerous.  It can make a person feel entitlement, pride, anger, and fear.  I am hanging on to some hurts, whether minor or big, that I am fearful of letting go.  Keeping these gives me the false sense that I somehow control situations, or that I can keep hurt from happening again, or that I can cause a heart to repent.  I can't do any of those things....all I can do is love and trust His perfect love.  And perfect love keeps no record of wrongs.  This mom is learning this today!

Gratitude equals contentment.....

Comparison, envy, covetousness, and want can steal contentment.  They have stolen some of mine.  I hate admitting that, but its true.  All of these emotions take me out out of the present.   Comparison puts me in someone else's life, envy takes me to somewhere that isn't my place, covetousness robs me of the blessing He has for me now, and want keeps me from loving where I am placed today!

Contentment is steady, sure, peaceful, satisfied, full, confident, ready....contentment is a state that happens in the present when I am most connected to God.  Comparison, envy....and so on are all emotions that are circumstantial and wavering, but contentment is based on Jesus- and He never changes.  So I am thankful that as my circumstance may change from day to day that my contentment can remain.  I can remain in Christ and in His way.  Following day to day.  Some of my days are so routine I wonder if they are really written by such a creative God, and doubt the impact of the mundane day that just flows along, but I fight against that with gratitude.  I am trying to be grateful for the "normal day".  I am trying to be grateful for the 52nd time I explain not to hit to the 3year old Ali that I parent. These kinds of days just kind of start and go, and end ,and don't make much of an imprint on my memory...until gratitude steps in.

When I look at these days with gratitude.  I see Jesus.  I am thankful for the slow pace of these days.  For the time, even the time I don't choose to use well.  I am thankful for steady sureness of what will happen.  I am thankful for the routine.  I am tempted to think that these days, normal- mundane, don't count in the grand scheme.  I am tempted to compare, or covet a different day....maybe on filled with a real important task, or maybe one filled with lots of busy going and coming, or  maybe one filled with accolades, or maybe one filled with something I am just great at- but that isn't today.

But because of His grace I can trust this day is filled with important work, and is busy with what matters, and is pleasing to my Heavenly Father, and is filled with what He has equipped me for!  I am trying to learn to be content in today because I am content in Him- the One who wrote this day.  He didn't die to give me life so I could spend it wishing it away for someone elses.   He died to give me life to spend it....and spend all of it ,even on the normal days, to lie down spent for Him.

so today I am grateful for slow, normal days.....today started with curious george and snuggling with Noah, a sweet phone call with a friend on the other side of the world, a language lesson with an exasperated 8 year old, and time to write this....it will most likely end with blueberry pancakes and movie.  Nothing spectacular  noting grand, nothing wild, nothing adventurous ...but its today and I am content with it and blessed by the Author of it!!  Enjoy today with gratitude!!! I am in the middle of this lesson :)

A Heart content in waiting....

There are seasons in life.  Some clearly start and end, and those are the easy ones to spot, but some ebb and flow very close together.  The lines of separation are hard to distinguish.  It is these that I write about today.  When we find ourselves led by God to anticipate a new season or chapter, but its not quite time yet.  The joy of newness makes my heart happy, but the treasure in the waiting is worth a price too!  This is a season like that in my heart.  I feel led in a new direction and yet I feel compelled to stay put for now....kind of like God has given me a heads up for what is on the horizon.  Every Sanguine tendency in me wants to happy dance on over to the "new thing", but every Spirit controlled part of me knows to wait and pray.  Keep praying, keep digging into the Word, keep content in today.  This is hard for me.  This requires a big dose of Jesus for me.  

My husband, Sammy, is a great waiter.  I mean if there were classes to be taught on waiting he could do it.  He does it patiently, and kindly, wholeheartedly, and by his own admission sometimes he waits when he should move.  I say this to show you all I am just the opposite.  I don't wait well, I don't see the value in it (not true I do see value, but not usually until I am cleaning up the mess made from not waiting), I am a mover!!!  There is some good in this.  I am passionate, I am convinced and convincing,  I act before I can be scared, and adjust to change well.  The bad side is I act before I pray, I act before I think, I act sometimes just to keep from sitting, and the passion can fizzle if not accompanied by a plan from the Lord. In other words sometimes I put the "doing" for God before the believing God and praying to God.  So I am thankful for a hubby who thinks, prays, and waits. I do have to confess that I  secretly (or not so secretly) wish I could cut his waiting time by a forth or so! :) 

So today I am content in the waiting.  I am anticipating a new season while being content in this one.  What I am learning about contentment is that it doesn't exist in one season and then fail to exist in another.  Rather, its not contained in a season at all- its contained in me. And while I wait I do so actively, not passively, I pray for equipping , I search the Word with a heart intent on knowing more and more of Jesus, and I engage in today and its Kingdom Value- whatever it may be.  

So stay connected and content in the waiting.  I know today can seem routine and become weary, but seasons are important and can't be rushed!!  I love the fall but I am not ready for it until I have soaked every last drop of sun out of the summer.  So soak in today while hoping on eternity!

Psalm 27:13-14"Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living.  Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.  

Psalm 130:5-6 " I wait for the Lord my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning..."

Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment...1 Timothy 6:6

A Heart of Flesh

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 11:19

This is my prayer.  Apathy is a dangerous thing.  It has sidelined me many times from sharing the Gospel, or helping the hurting, or caring for the broken.  Jesus did not have an apathetic bone in His body.  He reached out always with love and in goodness to the broken.  He came here to save the hurting and the sick.  He was somehow beautifully counter cultural and yet exactly what the culture needed.

My study note on the above verse says; " Inner spiritual and moral transformation that results in single-minded commitment to the Lord and to his will...Giving a new heart responsive to God's will." I love this!  I want single-mindedness in His eternal purpose for me.  I want a heart responsive to His will and having this leaves no room for apathy, only action.

I am not a fan of statistics because they can "take away their names and their stories, homogenizes their personalities and cheapens the value of each individual child, created in the very image of God"( Hole in Gospel by Richard Sterns).  That being said listen to these with your heart:
1.  26,575 children die each day of preventable causes
2.  2.6 billion people in the world live on less than 2.00 a day
3.  1 billion people live on less than 1 dollar a day
4.  the average American lives on 105 dollars per day
5.  roughly 9 million people per year die of hunger or hunger related causes

" its not our fault people are poor, but it is our responsibility to do something about it" Hole in the Gospel

All theses stats and the above quote are from this book Hole in Gospel.  This is a focused book on exactly how I am to respond to God's commands in Scripture to care for the poor, the hurting, the widow, and the orphan.  It has opened my eyes to the challenge of the Gospel and made me fall in love with Jesus all over again.  He knew my heart was stony and prone to apathy, so He through His powerful work on the cross, gave me His heart.  My heart breaks over the people, created in God's image, in these numbers.  They have faces and stories just like me.  They are chosen and loved by God just like  me.  In 2 Corinthians 9:11 Paul writes that we have been made rich so that we may become generous, and that generosity will result in thanksgiving or praise to God.  This is beautiful to my heart.  I am blessed with more than I need- to give what I have to the glory of God.

This will look different for everyone.  Some will adopt, some will sponsor kids, some will work at soup kitchens, some will tutor kids in the inner cities  some will go to dark places in the world with the light of Christ, some will encourage the body, some will spend their life on their knees praying for the same Spirit wind of Ezekiel 37, some will go into ministry, some will sit in the living room floor and share the Gospel with their kiddos, some will be the voice for the homeless, some will spend themselves for the addicts,  some will die for cause of Christ, but no one will be apathetic.

  If my faith is authentic my faith will act, if my faith is real it will bear fruit, and if my faith flows from a heart after God's these numbers will no longer be numbers....they will be brothers and sisters in need and I will urgently spend myself to help and pray and help and pray!

Praying to have a broken heart over what breaks His.....

Holiness....

Holiness is a word that has been permeating my prayer time, my wandering thoughts, and some conversations as of late.  I think any follower of Christ spends a good amount of time thinking about holiness....how to cultivate holiness in our lives through the Spirit...and so on.
There is sort of this attitude toward holiness that I have noticed lately in the world.  The idea that those seeking it are somehow controlled by rules or legalism.   I have heard a few people say things like " I feel sorry for you because you CAN'T go to that movie", or I feel bad for you because you CAN'T listen to this joke, or that's too bad you CAN'T just blow up and yell you would feel better, man it must suck that you CAN'T spend your money that way....and the list goes on.  I often see people looking at my, or someone elses, attempt to cultivate holiness, with absolute pity..  The thing is that I find myself WANTING  to make these changes/decisions. I am no longer a slave to my sin like I used to be... Its joyful and freeing....its obedience.

First, I want to start by saying that holiness is a Biblical command.  Its in scripture ALOT.  We serve a completely holy God, and it is because of the fact we can never achieve holiness on our own that Christ came and died in our place.  He is perfect, He lived a perfect sinless life, and died to end my separation from God due to my sin.  A perfect holy God can't be in the presence of sin, but instead of saying "earn holiness, do a lot of good things and hope I am in a good mood the day you die and then we might can have eternity together"....He said " For the wages of your sin, Holly, is death but I am giving you eternal life in my Son Jesus.  All of my children have sinned, Holly, even you, and you fall short on your own, but you can righteousness through my son, Jesus, through faith in Him you are justified freely by my grace and you are bought back (redeemed) to me, my daughter, where you belong" (My paraphrase of some verses in Romans).   Here is the Lord's command:  "Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God".  2 Corinthians 7:1

So its true and wonderful that Christ died while I was dead in my sin....He doesn't wait for us to become holy... He gives grace as an outpouring of His love...and transforms us into His likeness


Second,  growing in holiness is part of the sanctification process that all followers of Christ pursue.

"who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood" 1Peter 1:2

We have been chosen and drawn to God by His Spirit and we are being sanctified daily by the Spirit...it is His work in us.  Our pursuit or motive in sanctification is clear too...."being transformed into His likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" 2 Corinthians 3:18

Third, we will never reach perfect holiness.  This is true! But it doesn't give followers of Christ an out.  This is why its called a "process".  Everyday we wake willed to draw breath by God and everyday there is purpose...to bring Him glory.  Sanctifying ourselves brings Him glory.  We don't have to be perfect, His blood covers all sin, but He didn't die for me so I could live for me and indulge my flesh.  He died so I could be forgiven and I no longer live He lives in me.  Because of this my choices will change, my words will change, my motives will change, my actions will change, my spending habits will change, my joy will increase!!

I am writing this because this word, holiness, is in the forefront of my mind and there is so much I still need to learn.  I am excited to learn it.....right now what I have learned is that holiness is part of being sanctified and that Lord Himself will do this work.  Its a hard process for me.  I fail daily....I failed at this yesterday.  I am having to make choices, that used to feel comfortable to my flesh, but these same choices in the light of Jesus' holiness are things I want to say no to.  I said I WANT to .....I want to be sanctified ....I want to cultivate holiness.  I would encourage all you ladies on this same road to hold firm.  Seek holiness and love the Lord...He will finish this work- and remember He gives greater grace...we will never get it all right.

"May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.  May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it"  1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

Today nothing got done....

  Not one load of laundry.  Not one room straightened.  No dinner cooked.  Nothing got done. We did just what "school" we had to do today.  What did get done.....morning snuggles, Bible study with my girls, great phone calls with friends, mario kart, naps, happy meals, tv time snuggling in mom's bed and lots of laughing.  So the rest will keep.....and in my book today will be titled "productive".

Dirt grows good things ....

Today we finished school early in anticipation of a beautiful day.  We had a quick bite and I turned out the little babies to enjoy the day.  Our back yard has been the set of many adventures, from a desert island, to a jungle, and even a castle complete with a princess to defend.  Today it was just a back yard.  I opened the windows in the house and started some of my "momma stuff", and I enjoyed hearing my kiddos laugh together.  As I went from room to room I could hear giggles, conversations, and of course some quippy taunting every now and again.  I noticed they came inside a few times for some odds and ends, just the norm you know....popcorn kernels, plastic cups, and water :). I wondered what they were doing, so I peeked, and they were planting their kernels in cups and packing it with dirt.  It started there and ended with dirt confetti- need I say more.  I heard them conspire to get as dirty as possible in the hopes of bubble bath in my big tub! It was just a nice day....not perfect....but nice.  They still fought, I still had to coax Hannah to read, I still had to "gently" encourage Noah to finish his lunch, and I will have to was a mound of dirt from them tonight(in my big tug of course), but all in all its a good day.  Dirt grows good things....today it grew precious memories and maybe corn- who knows :)

Wisdom

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who grants generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to Him" James 1:5

My husband and I are going through the book of James in our small group at church.  

The Lord has had me in James since September....yeah you read that right!  I am guess I am a slow learner :)!  The Ladies Bible study I attend (Wed 9am-11am at IBC in Shawnee come one come all) started James: Mercy Triumphs By Beth Moore in September.  My husband and I began teaching James in January, so I have James on my mind, heart, mouth, hands, I am all in it right now!

Okay back to this verse ....ask for wisdom.  Simple and yet how many times have I acted then prayed?  How many times have I worried, and worried some more, and tried to concoct a solution to something without once asking for His wisdom?  I need His wisdom and I can just ask.  God will give me His wisdom.  He won't say, well you really messed up two weeks ago so no- no wisdom for you today.  This is amazing.... every time this happens its amazing!!

  "Divine Intervention is never trivial or routine" Beth Moore

Every time God grants me wisdom its a big deal.  It means I am living in relationship with Him.  I love that He doesn't just give it....we have to ask!  He could just give me anything, make anything happen, He controls all, and yet He desires to hear from me.  SO COOL...again Beth says it better:

"The King of the universe wants a real, live relationship with us.  He's not interested in just being a mind reader.  He's not even interested in just being a provider   He's both of those things, but the role He relishes most in is Father. He wants us-frail mortal creatures- to connect with Him and communicate with Him as the dearest relationship in human existence.  He rejoices to hear our voices.  He delights to be our sole and holy source for all things in life"  Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore

Anyway, today I gave something over to God that had been tempting my desire to control situations for weeks.  I relinquished it on the alter and asked only for His wisdom.  I had no conditions or false motives.  I just wanted His wisdom.  I knew He would grant it and I was sure in my asking (which is the next part of the passage and I think there is a blog there too)and there was no doubt in my heart that He is all sufficient and wise. What happened next was cool.

 Progress. 

 We moved an inch forward on a situation that had been stalled for weeks.  He imparted wisdom and peace and opportunity for us to move an inch- so we did. AMAZING! 

I heard from God today.  He gave me wisdom today.  He answered today. 

So my lesson.... 

relinquish...

ask...

and awe at God's wisdom!

Her Head on My Shoulder

Today, we sat down on our futon in our home school room to read. I was sandwiched by my two oldest children, and Noah was playing in and around the room.  We were all three, covered in a warm fuzzy blanket, hunkered in to hear the latest chapter in Grandma's Attic. As I read Hannah leaned her head over on my shoulder and rested it there.  

I read the words on the pages and we all enjoyed the chapter, and at the end we all continued with our morning.  The moment of still sweetness was over almost before it started, but all the same it was precious.  She is 8 and busy.  She is fun-loving, kind, energetic, and full of life. She is loving and affectionate just equally busy and running. She is growing and she needs me a little differently, no less, just different. We have long talks, often about nothing, and we laugh and play games. We spend lots of time learning stuff about friends, life, family, and God. She is growing....and growing....and changing.....sometimes too fast for mom....wait mom still wants to warm you a bottle and swaddle you up....and spend all night with you sleeping on my chest.  But the fact is that isn't what she needs now.  She needs me to sit and listen, to paint toes and fingers, to wipe tears, brush hair, help with outfits, remind her she is God's treasure, teach her to love God and others, have a lot of fun, and she needs me to  slow down and let her head rest on me a bit.  

Watching my daughter grow reminds me of life's journey.  From her start, to her as a toddler, to her as a child, to her now growing into a young lady, just reminds me the journey is beautiful. We all need love along this journey.  We need love to manifest as we grow, but all the same we need it.  God designed it this way ,and it's absolute beauty at its best. He knit her together in my womb and wrote the days of her life....what a blessing to watch them unfold.

Hope you find joy in watching your children today...and I hope it leaves you humbled by the Creator of Life....AMAZING!!